ComputerJy World

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

You've collected hundreds of thousands of megabytes (and maybe even gigabytes) of digital music and video in the past 10 years, and as your media library has grown, so has the necessity for finding the perfect desktop media player. Not only must the perfect player be capable of playing back your media, but it also needs to be able to help you search through and find any song or movie you're looking for at a moment's notice. On Tuesday we asked to hear about your favorite desktop media player, and over 600 comments later we're back with the most popular answers. Hit the jump for a glimpse at the five best desktop media players, then help us choose the best of the best.

foobar2000 (Windows)

foobar2000 is the most customizable digital audio player on the block. It's also one of the most lightweight players we're featuring. Out of the box foobar2000 is a little bland, but if you're willing to roll up your sleeves, you can make it into almost anything you want. Check out our primer for customizing foobar2000, and if you want a little inspiration, take a look at some reader-submitted custom foobar2ks. foobar2000 has plug-ins for iPod support, album art, lyrics, and it's even portable.

Winamp (Windows)

If you were a fan of digital music in the '90s, the only thing you were into as much as Napster was Winamp. Despite the fact that Winamp isn't as much at the forefront as it once was, it's still in active development and still maintains a thriving community of users contributing skins and plug-ins. It's also got iPod and other MP3 player support (naturally), remote streaming through your browser and game consoles, and an auto-tagging feature that automatically updates your music's metadata. It's also added video support for managing your ever-growing video library.

iTunes (Windows/Mac)

iTunes has gained massive popularity as the official media player of the iPod, but iTunes is also a powerful media management tool in its own right. Despite its detractors, iTunes has secured much of its popularity with a dead-simple yet powerful interface. It also bundles up the most successful digital music store on the planet, having sold over 5 billion songs—though it also comes with all that sticky, iPod-only DRM. Perhaps the biggest downside to iTunes: It can have a massive memory footprint.

Amarok (Linux/Unix)

Amarok is the go-to digital music player for Linux users looking for a feature-rich, attractive player. With automatic album art imports, lyrics support, and Wikipedia integration (the coolest feature any media player could have), Amarok doesn't disappoint. With no iTunes available for Linux, Amarok doesn't just sync iPods and other MP3 players—it can even sync music to your iPhone or iPod touch wirelessly.

VLC (All Platforms)

VLC is the cross-platform Swiss Army knife of media players. It's lightweight, open source, and can play virtually any file—audio or video—that you throw at it. If you're really into VLC, you can even use it rip DVDs, fix out-of-sync audio and video, and play your ripped DVDs. VLC has no media library tools, but you can create and save playlists. Either way, the slim, no-nonsense player has found a home on countless Windows, Mac, and Linux installs.

Now that you've seen the five reader favorites, it's time to vote for the one you like best:

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This weeks honorable mentions go to Media Monkey (Windows freeware and shareware) and Windows Media Player. Whether or not your media player of choice made the Hive Five, let's hear more about the player you love and why in the comments.

Adam Pash is a senior editor for Lifehacker who has a polyamorous love for media players. His Hive Five feature appears every Thursday on Lifehacker. Subscribe to the Hive Five RSS feed to get new installments in your newsreader.

Original Post

• If you are chocking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
• Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
• Avoid arguments about the toilet seat - Use the sink.
• For high blood-pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
• A mouse trap on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
• If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of Laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
• You only need 2 tools in life - WD-40 and Duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape.
• Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
• If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've go an electrical problem.

Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies - Not really good for anything, but they bring smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.