Actual projections

  • "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." ~~~ Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
  • "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." ~~~ Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
  • "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year." ~~~ The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
  • "But what … is it good for?" ~~~ Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
  • "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." ~~~ Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
  • "This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." ~~~ Western Union internal memo, 1876.
  • "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" ~~~ David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
  • "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible." ~~~ A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
  • "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" ~~~ H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
  • "I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." ~~~ Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
  • "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." ~~~ Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.
  • "We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." ~~~ Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
  • "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." ~~~ Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
  • "If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this." ~~~ Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
  • "So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’" ~~~ Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer.
  • "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." ~~~ 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard’s revolutionary rocket work.
  • "You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can’t be done. It’s just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." ~~~ Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.
  • "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy." ~~~ Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
  • "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." ~~~ Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
  • "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." ~~~ Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
  • "Everything that can be invented has been invented." ~~~ Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
  • "Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". ~~~ Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
  • "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". ~~~ Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
  • "640K ought to be enough for anybody." ~~~ Bill Gates, 1981

Police, law enforcement comedy

The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country. Count down to #1…

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you."

#11 "You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and corn dogs and step in monkey poo. "

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I’m glad to hear that chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

The envelope please…………………
AND THE WINNER IS …

#1 "You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here."

For Those Born Before 1986

  • According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60’s, 70’s and early 80’s probably shouldn’t have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.
  • When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent ’spokey dokey’s’ on our wheels. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags – riding in the passenger seat was a treat.
  • We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.
  • We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
  • We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this.
  • We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
  • We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded.
  • We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms.
  • We had friends – we went outside and found them.
  • We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt!
  • We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits.
  • We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other parents.
  • We played chap-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us.
  • We walked to friends’ homes.
  • We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn’t rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner.
  • We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.
  • We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.
  • The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of…They actually sided with the law.
  • This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
  • And you’re one of them. Congratulations!
  • Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.
  • For those of you who aren’t old enough, thought you might like to read about us.
  • This my friends, is surprisingly frightening……and it might put a smile on your face:
  • The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986……..They are called youth.
  • They have never heard of We are the World, We are the children, and the Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel. They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda Carlisle.
  • For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam.
  • AIDS has existed since they were born. CD’s have existed since they were born.
  • Michael Jackson has always been white.
  • To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can’t imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance.
  • They believe that Charlie’s Angels and Mission Impossible are films from the last couple of years.
  • They can never imagine life before computers.
  • They’ll never have pretended to be the A Team, RedHand Gang or the Famous Five.
  • They’ll never have applied to be on Jim’ll Fix It or Why Don’t You.
  • They can’t believe a black and white television ever existed. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.
  • Now let’s check if we’re getting old…
    1. You understand what was written above and you smile.
    2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.
    3. Your friends are getting married/already married.
    4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.
    5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.
    6. You remember watching Dirty Den in EastEnders the first time around.
    7. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good Old days, repeating again all the funny things you have experienced together.
    8. Having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends because you think they will like it too…
    Yes, you’re getting old!!