Weird Test Answers

These are purported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

SOCIOLOGY

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

BIOLOGY

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

ENGLISH

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

TECHNOLOGY

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

RELIGION

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lay eggs.

Interdisciplinary Studies Final Exam

Instructions: This is your comprehensive final exam. Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.

COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using that language, write a program that could complete the rest of this examination. Complete the examination manually as a check of your program results.

HISTORY:
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING:
You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a wiring diagram. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before a meltdown begins.

MEDICINE:
You will be provided with a razor blade, some gauze, a needle and thread, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING:
2500 riot-crazed, torch-bearing aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY:
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to it probable effect, if any, on the English parliamentary system and the Snail Darter. Prove your thesis.

CIVIL ENGINEERING:
By inter-weaving toothpicks, build a platform that will support your weight when suspended over a vat of concentrated sulfuric acid. Field-test the platform under the conditions for which it was designed. (pass/fail only)

MUSIC:
Write a piano concerto blending the styles of early J. S. Bach and late Igor Stravinsky that could win a competition judged by Josef Stalin and John Cage. Orchestrate it as Ravel might have. Perform the solo part. You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY:
Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicia, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

CHEMISTRY:
A poison is in one beaker on your laboratory table; its antidote is in an identical one. Analyze them, determine which is which, and drink them. Note: if the wrong beaker is drunk first, you will die.

SOCIOLOGY:
Estimate the sociological problems which might be accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your answer using double-blind methodology.

MECHANICAL ENGINEERING:
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision, citing provisions of the National Building Code and the Endangered Species Act to support your action.

ECONOMICS:
1) Describe and contrast the effects of interlocking directorates (be specific) and child-labor laws on the causes of the Great Depression of the 1930s.

2) Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method from all possible points of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

MATHEMATICS:
Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using a straightedge, a compass, and a pencil. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in 1920, 1960, and this year.

POLITICAL SCIENCE:
There is a red telephone on your desk. Start and end World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects on Burma, if any.

EPISTEMOLOGY:
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand.

RELIGION:
Using only rational discourse and three diagrams, convert the Muslim Palestinian provided you to Judaism.

ART:
Given crayons and a ream of paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel with particular regard for color accuracy.

PHYSICS:
Choose one:

  1. Explain the nature of matter
  2. evaluate in depth the impact of mathematics on science
  3. derive the equations for anti-gravity
  4. invent, build and demonstrate a magnet that attracts wood
METAPHYSICS:
Describe in detail the probable nature of life before conception and after death. Test your hypothesis.

PHILOSOPHY:
1) Trace the development of the major and minor western and eastern moral theories and discuss the impact on free will each has had. Discuss it a second time from a contrary viewpoint. Discuss it a third time from a contradictory viewpoint. Using Aristotelian logic, prove each viewpoint to be unassailable.

2) Sketch the development of human thought, estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:
Write a critique on the sum total of general knowledge point by point. Be objective and specific.

EXTRA CREDIT:
Define a universe, then give 2 examples.

If you finish early turn your paper in at the table at the front of the room.

Expressions

In George Washington’s days, there were no cameras. One’s image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are ‘limbs,’ therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.
Hence the expression, ‘Okay, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.’ (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint)


As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year
(May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn’t wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence
the term ‘big wig.’ Today we often use the term ‘here comes the Big Wig’ because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.


In the late 1700’s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The ‘head of the household’ always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who
was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal.
To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the ‘chair man.’ Today in business, we use the expression or title ‘Chairman’ or ‘Chairman of the Board.’


Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee’s wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman’s face she was told, ‘mind your own bee’s wax.’ Should the woman
smile, the wax would crack, hence the term ‘crack a smile’. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . Therefore, the expression ‘losing face.’


Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in ‘straight laced’. . Wore a tightly tied lace.


Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the ‘Ace of Spades.’ To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren’t ‘playing with a full deck.’


Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV’s or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to ‘go sip some ale’ and listen to people’s
conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. ‘You go sip here’ and ‘You go sip there.’ The two words ‘go sip’ were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term ‘gossip.’


At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid’s job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in ‘pints’ and who was drinking in ‘quarts,’ hence the term ‘minding your’P’s and Q’s ‘


One more and betting you didn’t know this!
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method
devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem…how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a ‘Monkey’ with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make ‘Brass Monkeys.’ Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.
Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, ‘Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.’ (All this time, you thought that
was an improper expression, didn’t you.)

Opera 10 beta 3 speeds up, drops Unite, tweaks interface

Opera 10 beta 3 speeds up, drops Unite, tweaks interface: ”

Late last night Opera pushed out the third beta of the upcoming v10. There are plenty of feature updates and changes in this version, including a reported 40% speed boost to the Presto engine, improved Turbo compression, and a number of interface tweaks.

Visual tab previews can now be displayed on the left or right – in previous versions, thumbnails only appeared if your tab bar was placed on the top or bottom. There’s also an auto-updater built in and a better inline spell checker, thanks to the open source Hunspell project.

Gone from beta 3 is Opera’s server-in-browser project Unite. Because it is still in the alpha stage of development the decision was made to deliver Unite as a separate download.

Beta 3 definitely feels faster than previous versions, though it still came up short in benchmarks like Dromaeo and Peacekeeper. With my usual set of half a dozen ‘core’ web apps open, Opera initially used about 40mb memory less than Firefox 3.5. However, as I kept my session open usage continued to climb, ultimately peaking around 230mb (about the same as Google Chrome 3 on the same system).

Why English is Hard to Learn

  1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2. The farm was used to produce produce.
  3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
  4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  10. I did not object to the object.
  11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  13. They were too close to the door to close it.
  14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?