Funny Quotes To Live By

  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
  • A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
  • Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how living remains so popular?
  • Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  • The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  • You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
  • The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

More funny quotes to live by

A Fake job title

  • experienced bra fitter – I bet they had trouble finding candidates for this one.
  • PlayStation Brand Ambassador
  • Eyebrow Threading – I REALLY hope this has something to do with dolls.
  • Administraive/ Secretary – ok, ok, we get it. It’s clear where you need help.
  • Finish Carpenter – for when the Start Carpenter gets tired.
  • Helpdesk [email protected] – “Uh, hello? I’m having a problem with this missile…”
  • Nail Tech – so nails can be pretty complicated…
  • Remedy Engineer – aren’t those called “doctors”?
  • Saltlick Cashier – new trend in the equestrian industry. Ok, enough horsing around.
  • Molecular Biologist II – when Molecular Biologist I gets promoted.
  • Breakfast Sandwich Maker – we also got one of these recently.
  • Hotel Housekeepers – why can’t they just say ‘hotelkeepers’?
  • Preschool Teacher #4065 – either that’s a really big school or they’ve got robot teachers.
  • glacéau drop team – for a new sport at the Winter Olympics: ice-water spilling.
  • PLUMMER/ELECTRICIAN – get a dictionary/thesaurus first.
  • DoodyCalls Technician – they really shouldn’t put down janitors like that.
  • Golf Staff – and here I thought they were called clubs.
  • Pressure Washers – what’s next, heat cleaners?
  • Sandwich Artist – another “Jesus in my food” wannabe.
  • Self Storage Manager – this is for self storage?
  • Qualified Infant Caregiver – too bad for all the unqualified caregivers on the list.
  • Ground Support – but there’s just more dirt under there.
  • Gymboree Teacher – the hardest part is not burning your hands sliding down the pole.
  • COMMERCIAL space hunter – so they did find animals further out in the cosmos? W
  • JOB COACH – if they’re unemployed when they get to you, what does that say?
  • KIDS KAMP INSTRUCTOR! – no spelling ability required.
  • POOLS SUPERVISOR – “yeah, they’re still wet…”
  • HOUSE MANAGER/TEEN SUPERVISOR – see the dictionary under P, for Parent.
  • Licensed Seamless Gutter Contractor – just sounds bad.
  • Space Heater – Just sitting around taking up space.