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You know you’re too fat when…

  • When you get to the bottom of a stairway, your tummy takes one more step.
  • You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
  • You put mayonnaise on aspirin.
  • Your blood type is Ragu.
  • You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
  • You ran away from home and they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton for your picture.
  • You could sell shade.
  • Your driver’s license says, ‘Picture continued on other side.’
  • You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
  • You dance and it makes the band skip.