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Logic and the English language

Let’s face it English is a stupid language.

  • There is no egg in the eggplant
  • No ham in the hamburger
  • And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple
  • English muffins were not invented in England
  • French fries were not invented in France
  • Quicksand takes you down slowly
  • Boxing rings are square
  • And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig
  • If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
  • If the teacher taught, Why didn’t the preacher praught
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
  • Why do people recite at a play Yet play at a recital?
  • Park on driveways and Drive on parkways
  • You have to marvel at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down
  • And in which you fill in a form By filling it out
  • And a bell is only heard once it goes!
  • English was invented by people, not computers And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn’t a race at all)
  • When the stars are out they are visible But when the lights are out they are invisible
  • And why it is that when I wind up my watch But when I wind up this observation It ends

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