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Disorder in the court

These excerpts from court transcripts are purported to
be true. You be the judge!

The following are actual statements made during court

From a defendant representing himself...

Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when
I stole your purse?

Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly.
You are the one who stole my purse.

Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.

Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.

Judge: And why is that?

Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't
interested in my case.
Judge to
Defender: Do you have any comments
on the defendant's motion?

Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.

Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.

Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.

Judge: What does the "Colonel" stand for?

Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in
front of your name. Not a damn thing.

Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness.

Have you nything to say in your defense?

Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?

Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail):
May I adress the court?

Judge: Of course.

Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch,
what would you do?

Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an
additional five days in jail.

Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?

Judge: I can't do anything about that.
There's no law Against thinking.

Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.