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Things I Have Learned from Children

  • A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
  • If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  • A 3 year old child’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  • If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
  • If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 room.
  • You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
  • When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
  • A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  • The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  • When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it’s already too late.
  • Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).
  • A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
  • Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
  • Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
  • Super glue is forever.
  • No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
  • Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
  • VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
  • Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  • Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  • You probably don’t want to know what that smell is.
  • Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
  • Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  • The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.
  • Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  • 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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