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- A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
(Women’s restroom – Dick’s Last Resort: Dallas, Texas)
- At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
(Bentley’s House of Coffee and Tea: Tucson, Arizona)
- Beauty is only a light switch away.
(Perkins Library – Duke University: Durham, North Carolina.)
- Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.
(Men’s restroom – Murphy’s: Champaign, IL.)
- Express Lane: Five beers or less.
(Sign over one of the urinals – Ed Debevic’s: Phoenix, AZ.)
- Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
(The Bayou: Baton Rouge, Louisiana.)
- God is dead. – Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. – God
(The Tombs Restaurant: Washington, D.C.)
- God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
(The Irish Times: Washington, D.C.)
- If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he’d say we were stopping for ice.
(Smoky Joe’s – Philadelphia, PA.)
- If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
(Armand’s Pizza – Washington, D.C.)
- If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? CONGRESS!
(Men’s restroom – House of Representatives: Washington, D.C.)
- If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
(Revolution Books: New York, New York)
- If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can’t take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
(Men’s restroom – Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, WA.)
- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
(Written in the dust on the back of a bus: Wickenburg, Arizona)
- I’ve decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
(Houghton Library – Harvard University: Cambridge, Massachusetts.)
- JESUS SAVES! But wouldn’t it be better if he had invested?
(Men’s restroom – American University: Washington, D.C.)
- Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!
(Women’s restroom – The Filling Station: Bozeman, Montana)
- No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
(Men’s Room – Linda’s Bar and Grill: Chapel Hill, North Carolina.)
- No wonder you always go home alone.
(Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom – Ed Debevic’s: Beverly Hills, CA.)
- Remember, it’s not "How high are you?" – it’s "Hi, how are you?"
(Rest stop off Route 81, WV.)
- The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
(Women’s restroom – Murphy’s: Champaign, IL.)
- To do is to be. – Descartes
To be is to do. – Voltaire
Do be do be do. – Frank Sinatra
(Men’s restroom – Greasewood Flats: Scottsdale, Arizona)
- What are you looking on the wall for? The joke’s in your hands.
(Men’s rest room – Lynagh’s: Lexington, KY.)
- You’re too good for him.
(Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom – Ed Debevic’s: Beverly Hills, CA.)