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- On a Sear’s hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Dang, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair)
- On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)
- On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???….)
- On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it’s "just" a suggestion!)
- On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(Well…duh, a bit late, huh?)
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(…and you thought????…)
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
- On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
- On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And…I’m taking this because???….)
- On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to…what?)
- On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
- On Sunsbury’s peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash!)
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)
- On a child’s superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
- On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)