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Warnings

Product Warnings:

  • "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." — In the information booklet.
  • "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." — On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
  • "For external use only!" — On a curling iron.
  • "Warning: This product can burn eyes." — On a curling iron.
  • "Do not use in shower." — On a hair dryer.
  • "Do not use while sleeping." — On a hair dryer.
  • "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." — On a hand-held massaging device.
  • "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." — On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.
  • "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." — On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
  • "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." — On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
  • "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." — On an electric rotary tool.
  • "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." — On a container of underarm deodorant.
  • "Do not drive with sunshield in place." — On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
  • "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." — On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
  • "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." — On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.
  • "Battery may explore or leak." — On a battery.
  • "Do not eat toner." — On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
  • "Not intended for highway use." — On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.
  • "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." — On a Holmes bathroom heater.
  • "May irritate eyes." — On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
  • "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." — On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."
  • "Caution! Contents hot!" — On a Domino’s Pizza box.
  • "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" — On a coffee cup.
  • "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." — On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." 
  • "Warning: May contain small parts." — On a Frisbee.
  • "Do not use orally." — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.
  • "Please keep out of children." — On a butcher knife.
  • "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." — On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
  • "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." — On a battery.
  • "Warning: Do not use on eyes." — In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
  • "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." — On a laser pointer.
  • "Do not use for drying pets." — In the manual for a microwave oven.
  • "For use on animals only." — On an electric cattle prod.
  • "For use by trained personnel only." — On a can of air freshener.
  • "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." — On a can of air freshener.
  • "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." — On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
  • "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." — In the manual for a jet ski.
  • "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." — A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.
  • "Do not use as ear plugs." — On a package of silly putty.
  • "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." — On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
  • "Warning: knives are sharp!" — On the packaging of a sharpening stone.
  • "Not for weight control." — On a pack of Breath Savers.
  • "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." — On the label of a bottled drink.
  • "Theft of this container is a crime." — On a milk crate.
  • "Do not use intimately." — On a tube of deodorant.
  • "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." — On a box of rat poison.
  • "Fragile. Do not drop." — Posted on a Boeing 757.
  • "Cannot be made non-poisonous." — On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.
  • "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." — On a portable stroller.
  • "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." — On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.
  • "Look before driving." — On the dash board of a mail truck.
  • "Do not iron clothes on body." — On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
  • "Do not drive car or operate machinery." — On Boot’s children’s cough medicine.
  • "For indoor or outdoor use only." — On a string of Christmas lights.
  • "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." — On a child sized Superman costume.
  • "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm – 7:00am." — On a hospital’s outside access door.
  • "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." — On a sign at a railroad station.
  • "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." — On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.
  • "Product will be hot after heating." — On a supermarket dessert box.
  • "Do not turn upside down." — On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.
  • "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." — On a lighter.
  • "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." — On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.
  • "Not for human consumption." — On a package of dice.
  • "May be harmful if swallowed." — On a shipment of hammers.
  • "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." — A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
  • "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." — In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
  • "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." — From a manual for an SGI computer.
  • "Warning: May contain nuts." — On a package of peanuts.
  • "Do not eat." — On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.
  • "Do not eat if seal is missing." — On said seal.
  • "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."
  • "Access hole only — not intended for use in lifting box." — On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.
  • "Warning: May cause drowsiness." — On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.
  • "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." — Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 caliber rifle.
  • "Do not use orally after using rectally." — In the instructions for an electric thermometer.
  • "Turn off motor before using this product." — On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
  • "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." — On a 6×10 inch inflatable picture frame.
  • "Do not put in mouth." — On a box of bottle rockets.
  • "Remove plastic before eating." — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
  • "Not dishwasher safe." — On a remote control for a TV.
  • "For lifting purposes only." — On the box for a car jack.
  • "Do not put lit candles on phone." — On the instructions for a cordless phone.
  • "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." — On the packaging for a wristwatch.

Assurances:

  • "Safe for use around pets." — On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

Small Print From Commercials:

  • "Do not use house paint on face." — In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.
  • "Do not drive cars in ocean." — In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.
  • "Always drive on roads. Not on people." — From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.
  • "For a limited time only." — From a Rally’s commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.

Signs and Notices:

  • "No stopping or standing." — A sign at bus stops everywhere.
  • "Do not sit under coconut trees." — A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.
  • "These rows reserved for parents with children." — A sign in a church.
  • "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." — A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.
  • "Malfunction: Too less water." — A notice left on a coffee machine.
  • "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." — On a form in a clinic.
  • "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." — On a bag of Fritos.
  • "Fits one head." — On a hotel-provided shower cap box.
  • "Payment is due by the due date." — On a credit card statement.
  • "No small children." — On a laundromat triple washer.
  • "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." — A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.

Safety Procedures:

  • "Take care: new non-slip surface." — On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.
  • "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." — One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.

Ingredients:

  • "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." — The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.
  • "100% pure yarn." — On a sweater.
  • "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
    Materials:
    Covering: 100% Unknown.
    Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
    On a pillow.
  • "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." — On the packet for a moist towelette.

Instructions:

  • "Remove the plastic wrapper." — The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.
  • "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." — On a box of pills.
  • "Open packet. Eat contents." — Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.
  • "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." — Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.
  • "Use like regular soap." — On a bar of Dial soap.
  • "Instructions: usage known." — Instructions on a can of black pepper.
  • "Serving suggestion: Defrost." — On a Swann frozen dinner.
  • "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." — On a bag of cat biscuits.
  • "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." — In a car manual.
  • "Please include the proper portion of your bill." — On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.
  • "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the ‘on’ position." — Instructions for an espresso kettle.

Requirements:

  • "Optional modem required." — On a computer software package.

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