Things to teach your children
- Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
- There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one.
- The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king. Fetch him beers.
- In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
- Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
- Request the late checkout.
- When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
- Do not get married before you can legally drink.
- Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
- Do not fill up on bread.
- When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.
- Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
- If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
- Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
- You marry the girl, you marry her whole family.
- Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath.
- Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
- Never be afraid to ask out the best-looking girl in the room.
- Always do sober what you said you would do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- Do not show off. Impress.