If your father is a poor man, it is your fate. But, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…. Practice makes perfect….. But nobody’s perfect…… So why practice? […]
Eyad SalahWhat I have learned as I have matured… I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, […]
Eyad SalahDon’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be […]
Eyad SalahOn a Sear’s hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Dang, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair) On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be […]
Eyad SalahThere is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn’t canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are […]
Eyad SalahIndecision is the key to flexibility. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice […]
Eyad SalahAfghanistan The bad news is, there’s a new article about everyone farming opium. The good news is, you can’t read. Albania The perfect getaway for people who love Kosovo, but hate the working phone service. Algeria It took you eight years to beat France. Andorra How does it feel, being Luxembourg’s bitch? Angola Hey, call […]
Eyad SalahNever trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10 When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don’t answer him. – Michael, 14 Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14 Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9 Never pee on an electric fence. – […]
Eyad SalahEvery takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick back – then they get bigger again. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous. It’s always better to be down […]
Eyad SalahPassionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone. One who run in front of car get tired. One who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish Man give wife grand piano, wise Man give wife upright organ. […]
Eyad SalahWexford Garda Traffic cops had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but weren’t getting many. Then they discovered the problem – a 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read ‘SPEED TRAP AHEAD’. The cops also found that the little guy had an accomplice who was further […]
Eyad Salah