Funny air traffic control stories

-Tower: ‘Are you an Airbus 320 or 340?’
-Pilot: ‘An A340, of course!’
-Tower: ‘Well then, would you please start your other two engines before taxiing to take off?’

-Tower: ‘Do you have enough fuel or not?’
-Pilot: ‘Yes.’
-Tower: ‘Yes, what?’
-Pilot: ‘Yes, Sir!!!’

-Pilot: ‘Good morning, Bratislava.’
-Tower: ‘Good morning. Please note: This is Vienna.’
-Pilot: ‘I am now on landing approach to Bratislava.’
-Tower: ‘This really is Vienna.’
-Pilot: ‘Vienna?’
-Tower: ‘Yes.’
-Pilot: ‘But why? We wanted to go to Bratislava.’
-Tower: ‘Okay. Then abort your landing approach and turn left.’

-Tower: ‘To avoid noise, please turn right45 degrees.’
-Pilot: ‘What noise could we possibly make at 35.000 ft?’
-Tower: ‘The noise your 707 will make when colliding with the 727 before you!’

-Tower: ‘After landing, go to Taxiway Alpha 7, Alpha 5, Whiskey 2, Delta 1 and Oscar 2.’
-Pilot: ‘Where on earth is that? We don’t know our way around here.’
-Tower: ‘That’s all right. I’m only here for two days myself.’

-Pilot: ‘We’re running low on fuel. Please advise.’
-Tower: ‘What is your position? We don’t have you on our scope.’
-Pilot: ‘We’re standing on runway 2 and are waiting for an eternity for the fuel truck.’

-Pilot: ‘Tower, request take-off clearance.’
-Tower: ‘Sorry , we don’t have your flightplan. Where do you want to go?’
-Pilot: ‘Like every Monday, to Salzburg.’
-Tower: ‘But today is Tuesday!’
-Pilot: ‘What? Then it’s our day off!’