Entertainment, Tech tips & Occasional software reviews by Eyad Salah.https://www.computerjy.com/en-ushttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-great-desktop-divide-of-2026-whygnome-50-and-kde-plasma-6-are-no-longer-true-competitors/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-great-desktop-divide-of-2026-whygnome-50-and-kde-plasma-6-are-no-longer-true-competitors/Hey everyone, Eyad here! Welcome back to ComputerJy World. Just a few days ago, I shared a little secret with you: choosing a Linux distribution is a massive trap. It’s not about the distribution itself, but rather the interface you sit in front of all day—the Desktop Environment (DE). If you missed that post, go […]Thu, 03 Sep 2026 02:51:33 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-secret-to-choosing-a-linux-distro-its-not-about-the-distro-at-all/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-secret-to-choosing-a-linux-distro-its-not-about-the-distro-at-all/When you first decide to make the leap to Linux, the sheer number of choices is paralyzing. You are immediately bombarded with strange names, tribal debates, and endless tier lists. Should you use something Debian-based? Is RPM better? What on earth is a rolling release? Here is the open-source community’s worst-kept secret: unless you are […]Sun, 30 Aug 2026 02:23:52 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/clickbait-headlines/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/clickbait-headlines/I’m happy to report that the tidal wave of clickbait headlines — infuriating, manipulative teaser headlines whose writers will do anything to make you click — seems to have peaked. For one thing, Facebook has tried to block clickbait headlines in its news feed and has had some success. For another thing, clickbait headlines seem […]Mon, 27 Jul 2015 17:01:15 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/photo-dump/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/photo-dump/Sun, 31 Aug 2014 15:18:01 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/money/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/money/Money. We all love it. But do you actually know what money is? What is its value? What are the policies that govern the monetary system? The monetary system is the most misunderstood and taken for granted. Never the less, understanding the monetary system is critical to understanding why our lives are the way they […]Sun, 24 Aug 2014 03:49:22 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/language/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/language/Language as a definition is “A set of spoken, written, or signed words and the way we combine them to communicate a meaning.” Perhaps we should change that definition to include “Using complex grammar” to really distinguish human language from animal languages especially that a lot of animals are capable – when taught – to […]Thu, 21 Aug 2014 16:43:29 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/words-wisdom-steven-wright/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/words-wisdom-steven-wright/Some words of wisdom by Steven Wright All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what’s the speed of dark? How do you tell when you’re […]Thu, 26 Sep 2013 17:07:18 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/online-test-freak/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/online-test-freak/This is truly bizarre. Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD! Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can! Again, as quickly as you can but don’t advance until you’ve done each of them … really. Think of a number from 1 to 10.Thu, 26 Sep 2013 13:13:16 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/photoshop-trolls/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/photoshop-trolls/Here are some images that have been photoshopped at the request of people wanting to look better than they look in their photo. Request: “I want to look like the son of a powerful politician!” Request: “My friend behind me looks a little dull. Can you make him more dramatic?” Request: “Make me hot shi*t on […]Wed, 25 Sep 2013 10:45:06 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/mac-vs-pc/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/mac-vs-pc/So the fight between Mac vs PC fanatics is a never-ending one. But what about the gamers? Do all gamers use a PC or do gaming consoles just do the trick. Do they weigh in favor of the PC?Tue, 24 Sep 2013 15:37:28 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-are-there-too-many-linux-distros/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-are-there-too-many-linux-distros/Linux (/ˈlinəks/) is An open-source version of the UNIX operating system. It’s kind of a big deal for Servers Mainframes and Super computers. More than 90% of today’s super computers run on a some kind of Linux. Also many small devices run on Linux even if you can’t tell they do… for example the Android […]Sun, 20 Jan 2013 15:22:12 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/good-old-times/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/good-old-times/I want to go back to old times to when: Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.” Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!” “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.” Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening. It wasn’t […]Sat, 20 Oct 2012 11:49:38 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/extreme-redneckness/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/extreme-redneckness/You know you Are an extreme redneck when: You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think […]Fri, 25 May 2012 16:13:28 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/stephen-hawking/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/stephen-hawking/Sat, 14 Apr 2012 14:29:52 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-to-teach-your-children/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-to-teach-your-children/Things to teach your children Never shake a man’s hand sitting down. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king. Fetch him beers. In a negotiation, never make the first offer. Never cancel dinner plans […]Fri, 06 Apr 2012 20:28:12 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/license-to-drive/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/license-to-drive/The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by The California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of […]Fri, 24 Feb 2012 10:29:59 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/curriculum-vitae-c-v-writing-tips/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/curriculum-vitae-c-v-writing-tips/Do you have problems landing jobs or getting interviews? it’s most likely your C.V. In the past few years, I’ve received a lot of C.Vs. And out of curiosity, even if the C.V was not meant for me to read, I take a look at it. I’ve been trough almost a thousand C.Vs, and I’ve […]Thu, 27 Oct 2011 01:02:36 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/intro-to-seo-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/intro-to-seo-2/Everyone nowadays seems to be interested in SEO (Search Engine Optimization). On most of the interviews I went to recently I was asked… ‘Do you know SEO?’ On many occasions I ended up asking myself, Does that person know SEO? You see, the web works in a pretty simple way… There are 2 types of […]Tue, 06 Sep 2011 11:23:10 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/samsung-bringing-amoled-displays-to-tablet-market/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/samsung-bringing-amoled-displays-to-tablet-market/South Korean electronics giant Samsung might be launching the world`s first tablet to feature an AMOLED screen, according to recent reports. Samsung has been a pioneer of AMOLED display technology, which eliminates the need for a separate backlight and drastically improves contrast ratios and colour fidelity. Smartphones like the Galaxy S2 have paved the way […]Sat, 13 Aug 2011 19:11:07 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/social-wariors/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/social-wariors/I like twitter’s motto the bestSat, 30 Jul 2011 00:09:30 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/speed-up-windows-boot-time/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/speed-up-windows-boot-time/Every time I install windows on my computer I notice it’s booting up and starting up really fast, might be done in less than a minute actually. Later, about a month or 2 (Or sometimes less) you have to notice the startup time is really increasing. When I was younger I used to reformat my […]Sun, 24 Jul 2011 00:58:25 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/installing-php-on-windows-7/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/installing-php-on-windows-7/PHP is one of the most common web languages out there, Windows is the most used operating system in the world… So I’ll take a wild guess and say many PHP developers use Windows, thus have to install PHP on windows to do their work or test their websites before releasing them online. Many developers […]Fri, 01 Jul 2011 18:44:10 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/to-remind-you-how-old-you-are/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/to-remind-you-how-old-you-are/This is a reminder of how old you are getting (In case you’re forgetting) Windows XP was released more than 10 years ago. It’s also been 10 years since 9/11. The matrix came out 12 years ago, Keanu Reeves is 46 now. Mother Theresa and Lady Diana died 14 years ago. Macaulay Culkin is 30 […]Sat, 25 Jun 2011 21:42:22 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/lateral-thinking/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/lateral-thinking/Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself. Think like a wizard . . .. man ———— board Answer = man overboard Okay, let’s see if you’ve got the hang of it. stand ———— i Answer = I understand OK . Got the drift ? Let’s try a few now and see how you fare ? […]Fri, 24 Jun 2011 08:22:08 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-of-the-internet/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-of-the-internet/Ever been roaming around on the web and stumbled upon Rule #34 or any other rule? Will… There they are: λ. It’ll be done when it’ll be done. No exceptions. -1. /b/ is not your friend. No exceptions. 0. Negative numbers are a lie. No exceptions. 0.1. /b/ is pointless, you are wasting your life. […]Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:25:06 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/universal-laws/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/universal-laws/Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the […]Wed, 15 Jun 2011 02:01:57 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-quotes-about-age/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-quotes-about-age/“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”- Lucille Ball “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”- Henry Ford “We don’t stop playing because we grow […]Sat, 11 Jun 2011 11:44:57 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/quotes-from-steve-jobs/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/quotes-from-steve-jobs/Some of Steve Jobs funny quotes A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets. Apple’s market share is bigger than […]Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:25:52 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/ohio/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/ohio/Thu, 02 Jun 2011 08:51:53 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/be-frank-with-your-wife/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/be-frank-with-your-wife/A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of […]Tue, 31 May 2011 16:02:24 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/everything-that-i-need/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/everything-that-i-need/A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice “I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.” The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the […]Mon, 16 May 2011 08:23:26 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/too-much-defrag/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/too-much-defrag/I’ve installed windows on my computer a couple of days ago, installed all my software and decided it was time to defrag the windows disk I used Auslogics disk defrag and tried the “Defrag & Optimize” option. Looks like it did it job a little too wellFri, 06 May 2011 23:05:40 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/google-top-hoaxes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/google-top-hoaxes/Sorted by year 2000: Google MentalPlex: In case you wanted Google to help you look for something you, just think about it and click on the MentalPlex circle. 2002: Google pigeon rank: Google claimed to use large pigeon clusters to compute values of web pages. 2004: Google Copernicus Center jobs: Google placed an ad that […]Mon, 25 Apr 2011 02:10:19 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-secret-behind-peanut-butter/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-secret-behind-peanut-butter/This goes for all of you peanut butter lovers out thereFri, 22 Apr 2011 22:26:22 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-scientests-see-the-world/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-scientests-see-the-world/Fri, 22 Apr 2011 22:11:10 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/logic-exam/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/logic-exam/Please only answer with “True” and/or “False”. Failure to do so will disqualify your test and/or test your disqualification. Describe the nature of the universe. Sanity. 7+19 = ? 3a. I want you in the pants. True or false? Write a sixty-line sonnet using only the words “My”, “her”, “was”, “should,” “bacon,” and “Jerry Springer.” Why? […]Tue, 12 Apr 2011 08:07:35 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/an-exercise-for-old-people/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/an-exercise-for-old-people/Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that […]Fri, 08 Apr 2011 12:45:44 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/are-all-snakes-venomous/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/are-all-snakes-venomous/Fri, 08 Apr 2011 11:39:14 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/heart-warming-story/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/heart-warming-story/Fri, 04 Mar 2011 02:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/uninstalling-dictator/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/uninstalling-dictator/viaThu, 03 Mar 2011 22:57:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/writing-an-essay-in-a-programming-language/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/writing-an-essay-in-a-programming-language/This is how a programmer will write an essay using their favorite programming language:Fri, 25 Feb 2011 20:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/4-killer-seo-tools-and-how-to-use-them/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/4-killer-seo-tools-and-how-to-use-them/After the fun parts of designing a website, comes the often painstaking process of optimizing it for Search Engines. The good news is aside from the proliferation of information on how to do that, there are actually a number of tools that can make it infinitely easier. Here are 4 SEO tools that can help […]Fri, 28 Jan 2011 21:29:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-complete-guide-on-how-to-do-seo-for-a-website/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-complete-guide-on-how-to-do-seo-for-a-website/What is SEO? SEO or Search Engine Optimization is the practice of making your website attractive to search engines such as Google, Bing, Yahoo, etc. Search engines regularly read and archive websites so that people can find them easily. For example, a person may be searching for ways to cook salmon. If your website is […]Sun, 23 Jan 2011 01:57:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-to-do-search-engine-optimization-seo-yourself/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-to-do-search-engine-optimization-seo-yourself/Basic SEO The basic steps of search engine optimization can and should be carried out by all webmasters as a matter of course. In less competitive markets doing this alone is often all that is required to achieve top search engine rankings. However, it should be borne in mind that these basic SEO techniques alone […]Sun, 23 Jan 2011 01:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/mothers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/mothers/Mona Lisa’s Mother: ‘After all that money your father and I spent on your braces, is that the biggest smile you can give us?’ Columbus’s Mother: ‘I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still could have written !’ Michelangelo’s’ Mother: ‘ Can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how […]Sun, 26 Dec 2010 18:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/bad-domain-names/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/bad-domain-names/Here are some bad domain names: A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is www.WhorePresents.com Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.ExpertSexChange.com Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island […]Thu, 23 Dec 2010 02:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/tips-for-life/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/tips-for-life/Here are some tips for life… A life of happiness and relief. Be polite, people like polite people. People give free stuff to polite people. If you have a default installation of windows XP, Press cntrl-alt-delete twice on login, type in ‘Administrator’ with no password. Boom. You’re in. pay attention to details. Girls are expensive. […]Fri, 03 Dec 2010 02:29:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/on-page-seo-optimization-techniques/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/on-page-seo-optimization-techniques/Definition: On Page SEO: “On Page” SEO simply refers to the text and content on your web site pages. Basically editing your page and content so the Search Engine can find your webpage when a surfer is searching for your web sites particular topic. History: On Page Search Engine Optimization has been around the longest, […]Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/list-of-best-and-worst-practices-for-designing-a-high-traffic-website/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/list-of-best-and-worst-practices-for-designing-a-high-traffic-website/Keywords 1 Keywords in tag This is one of the most important places to have a keyword because what is written inside the tag shows in search results as your page title. The title tag must be short (6 or 7 words at most) and the the keyword must be near the beginning. […]Fri, 26 Nov 2010 03:05:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%85%D9%8A%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%9F/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%85%D9%8A%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%9F/رجل مسيحي دخل مسجد في مصر و معاه سكينو قال: مين فيكم مسلم ؟محّدش رد عليه إلا واحد شجاع قاله: أنا مسلم اخذه برا المسجد و قاله: عندي ضيوف مسلمين وعازمهم على العشا وعندي خروف عاوزك تدبحه و تسلخه على ا لطريقه الإسلاميهقال المسلم: أنا اعرف أذبح بس شوف حد تاني يسلخدخل المسيحي المسجد و […]Thu, 11 Nov 2010 10:39:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-browsers-work/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-browsers-work/Mon, 08 Nov 2010 01:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-absolute-truth-about-muhammad-in-the-bible/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-absolute-truth-about-muhammad-in-the-bible/Fri, 05 Nov 2010 22:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/ged-examination-qa/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/ged-examination-qa/The following questions were set in last year’s GED(General Educational Development) examination . These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds). Q. Name the four seasonsA. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drinkA. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes […]Fri, 05 Nov 2010 13:28:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%A7%D8%B5%D8%B1/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%A7%D8%B5%D8%B1/بدك تموت شهيد؟ يا تمشي على طريق عمان الزرقاء ………….. يا تسافر على طريق العقبة بالليل بدك تموت من الجوع؟ يا تتجوز بنت حلوة غاويه نيو لوك ………… يا تسافر تعمل شوبينغ في لبنان بدك تموت من الحسرة؟ يا تتفرج على جلسات مجلس النواب …… يا تتناقش مع ابنك في القيم والأخلاق بدك تموت من […]Thu, 04 Nov 2010 09:26:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%86%D9%83%D8%AA-%D8%B5%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%AF%D8%A9/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%86%D9%83%D8%AA-%D8%B5%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%AF%D8%A9/نكت صعايدة واحد بيعيط فى جنازة مراته سألوه: بتحبها؟ قال: لأ … بس سمعت إن البكا بيعذب الميت ——————————— ثلاثة أندال بيتنافسوا مين أندل واحد فيهم لقيوا ست عجوزة ماشيه على عكاز – الأول: خد العكاز منها فوقعت – الثانى: خد العكاز وضربها بيه – الثالث: قعد يضحك سألوه: بتضحك ليه؟ قالهم: أصل الست […]Sun, 31 Oct 2010 09:40:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-one-liners-to-kick-start-your-day-with-a-smile/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-one-liners-to-kick-start-your-day-with-a-smile/One-liners are jokes made up of only one or two sentences. Don’t have to be funny, but the below are 🙂 My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal! […]Fri, 22 Oct 2010 12:28:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%A7%D8%A8%D9%84%D9%8A%D8%B3-%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A8/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%A7%D8%A8%D9%84%D9%8A%D8%B3-%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A8/قرر إبليس أن يهجر البلاد العربية فزعل العرب للخبر وراحوا يترجوه وقالو له : أرجوك ماتمشي …. وين بدك تلاقي ناس متلنا كذابين ومنافقين وبدهم يروحوا النار؟؟؟ فقال لهم إبعدوا عني إنتوا مابتستاهلوا !!! الواحد منكم بيجيني شحاد وحافي ومو لاقي ياكل .. أعلمه وأخليه يسرق عشان يعيش عيشة زي الفل .. ويغش مشان يتخرج […]Sun, 17 Oct 2010 00:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%82%D8%B5%D8%B5-%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%8A%D9%85%D8%A9/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%82%D8%B5%D8%B5-%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%8A%D9%85%D8%A9/نعل الملك يحكى أن ملكاً كان يحكم دولة واسعة جداً ..أراد هذا الملك يوما القيام برحلة برية طويلة. وخلال عودته وجد أن أقدامه تورمت بسبب المشي في الطرق الوعرة، فأصدر مرسوماً يقضي بتغطية كل شوارع المدينة بالجلد ولكن احد مستشاريه أشار عليه برأي أفضل وهو عمل قطعة جلد صغيرة تحت قدمي الملك فقط فكانت هذه […]Sat, 16 Oct 2010 23:57:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%86%D9%87%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%A1/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%86%D9%87%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%A1/إليكم أمثلة لإجابات عجيبة وجدتها أنا شخصياً في إجابات الطلاب وكذلك مما قرأت وسمعت وسمّيته “العجب العجاب في إجابات الطلاب”. فاسمعوا وعوا وإياكم أن تستغربوا.. * طالب سئل في الاختبار عن “السر في إخفاء ليلة القدر”؟ .. فقال : خوفاً من قريش!!! * طالب سئل:أذكر شروط صلح الحديبية ؟ فكان الجواب: ألاّ يتهاوشون مرة أخرى!! […]Sat, 16 Oct 2010 23:48:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%AD%D9%8A%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%82-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%B5%D8%B9%D8%AF/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%AD%D9%8A%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%82-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D8%B5%D8%B9%D8%AF/قبل أيام كنت صاعداً إلى الطابق السابع في احدى البنايات التجارية، وكان معي في المصعد سيدة (خمسينية) وزوجها وفتاة في أول العشرين. رجلان وامرأتان.. في المصعد، وفجأة انقطع التيار الكهربائي.. كانت ردات الفعل على الشكل التالي السيدة الخمسينية صرخت بخوف: (علّق..؟!) وزوجها من فزعه صار يضرب باب المصعد وينادي: «احنا محشورين» أما الفتاة العشرينية فقد […]Sat, 16 Oct 2010 02:27:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%AD%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%82-%D9%88%D8%AE%D9%81%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A5%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%AD%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%82-%D9%88%D8%AE%D9%81%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A5%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86/هناك بعض الخفايا والمميزات التي لا يعلمها بعض الناس والتي تكون موجودة في الإنسان نفسه والتي تختلف من شخص إلى آخر أو قد لا تكون موجودة عند البعض. فهناك بعض الحقائق المتعلقة بالإنسان والتي أثبتها العلماء مع مرور الوقت نتيجة التجارب والدراسات الطويلة في هذا المجال ومن هذه الحقائق أن إستمرارية الشخص في التفكير بالأشياء […]Sat, 16 Oct 2010 02:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/blog-stats/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/blog-stats/Well, I’ve decided to share the stats (May – October 2010). As you can see the majority of my visitors are from English speaking countries and my native country (Jordan). I find it astonishing that I have visitors from Portugal, Germany, Colombia & Netherlands. Well, I guess English is the universal language Anyhow, I have on a small […]Sat, 16 Oct 2010 02:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/nuggets-of-wisdom/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/nuggets-of-wisdom/Wisdom ladies and gentlemen is: The quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. […]Mon, 11 Oct 2010 03:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/celebrating-the-stupid-question-day/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/celebrating-the-stupid-question-day/Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress? Why can’t woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed? Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say“Hi, my name’s Bob. I’m an alcoholic”? If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get […]Tue, 28 Sep 2010 21:07:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/meanwhile-in-china/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/meanwhile-in-china/Tue, 28 Sep 2010 02:45:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/drivers-exam/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/drivers-exam/California supposedly has the best drivers — but there are always exceptions. These are supposedly real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders). Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see […]Fri, 17 Sep 2010 12:56:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/islam-oppression/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/islam-oppression/Sat, 28 Aug 2010 11:37:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-truth/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-truth/Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional… Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller […]Mon, 23 Aug 2010 17:11:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/puns-for-the-smart-minds/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/puns-for-the-smart-minds/The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol […]Tue, 17 Aug 2010 16:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/you-know-youre-too-fat-when/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/you-know-youre-too-fat-when/When you get to the bottom of a stairway, your tummy takes one more step. You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts. You put mayonnaise on aspirin. Your blood type is Ragu. You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth. You ran away from home and they […]Mon, 02 Aug 2010 00:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-not-to-say-to-a-cop/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-not-to-say-to-a-cop/I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People? Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! Are You Andy or Barney? I thought you […]Thu, 15 Jul 2010 09:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/1goal/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/1goal/Today, 72 million children in the world are denied the chance to go to school. These children could be our next generation’s leaders, sports stars, doctors and teachers. But they face a lifelong struggle against poverty. It doesn’t have to be this way. Since 2000, 40 million more children are in school. Education beats poverty […]Sat, 10 Jul 2010 20:31:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/stupidest-celebrity-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/stupidest-celebrity-quotes/Britney Spears“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”Jessica Simpson“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘chicken by the sea’.”Tara […]Fri, 02 Jul 2010 20:03:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-teachers-drink/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-teachers-drink/ViaFri, 18 Jun 2010 00:15:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/football-vs-handegg/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/football-vs-handegg/Thu, 17 Jun 2010 01:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-quotes-to-live-by/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-quotes-to-live-by/Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how living […]Wed, 09 Jun 2010 22:45:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-fake-job-title/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-fake-job-title/experienced bra fitter – I bet they had trouble finding candidates for this one. PlayStation Brand Ambassador Eyebrow Threading – I REALLY hope this has something to do with dolls. Administraive/ Secretary – ok, ok, we get it. It’s clear where you need help. Finish Carpenter – for when the Start Carpenter gets tired. Helpdesk […]Wed, 09 Jun 2010 22:33:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs-youre-getting-old/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs-youre-getting-old/Kidnappers are not very interested in you. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. No one expects you to run–anywhere. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you? People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy […]Thu, 27 May 2010 19:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funniest-homer-simpson-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funniest-homer-simpson-quotes/Operator! Give me the number for 911! Oh, so they have internet on computers now! Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman. […]Fri, 21 May 2010 12:54:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/facebook-facts/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/facebook-facts/Wed, 19 May 2010 09:08:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/when-a-guy-does-something-wrong/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/when-a-guy-does-something-wrong/When a guy does something wrong…When a girl does something wrong…viaFri, 14 May 2010 11:50:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/truths-for-mature-people/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/truths-for-mature-people/I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. There is great need for a […]Sun, 09 May 2010 16:54:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-ways-to-order-a-pizza/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-ways-to-order-a-pizza/If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.” Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is […]Fri, 07 May 2010 11:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-you-wont-learn-at-school/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-you-wont-learn-at-school/Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase “it’s not fair” 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule […]Thu, 06 May 2010 08:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-story-with-a-moral/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-story-with-a-moral/The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories… There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then […]Sun, 11 Apr 2010 15:41:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-cell-phone-evolves/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-cell-phone-evolves/viaWed, 07 Apr 2010 20:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-some-tech-companies-got-their-names/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-some-tech-companies-got-their-names/Sun, 21 Mar 2010 18:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-do-you-want-your-last-words-to-be/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-do-you-want-your-last-words-to-be/Call… the… ambalamps. “Hey ya’ll, watch this!” If Im not back in three days, then I guess I wasn’t Jesus. A+++ EPIC LIFE. WOULD LIVE THIS LIFE AGAIN. So long, and thanks for all the fish. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I’ve watched C-beams […]Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:41:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/random-thoughts/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/random-thoughts/I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. There is great need for a […]Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:56:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/logic-fail/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/logic-fail/Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/teenager-audio-test/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/teenager-audio-test/Created by OatmealWed, 03 Mar 2010 20:29:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/reigning-pwn2own-champion-the-main-thing-is-not-to-install-flash/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/reigning-pwn2own-champion-the-main-thing-is-not-to-install-flash/With the Pwn2Own hacking contest coming up at Vancouver’s CanSecWest security conference later this month, Italian computer security blog OneITSecurity took some time to interview Charlie Miller. Miller, in case you’re not familiar, is a security expert who has won Pwn2Own two years running by hacking Apple’s Safari browser with incredible speed. Safari isn’t the […]Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/google/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/google/Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/english-idiot-sightings/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/english-idiot-sightings/My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece. She said, ‘You gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.’ She […]Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:31:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/miserable-facts-about-valentines-day/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/miserable-facts-about-valentines-day/In the two week period leading up to Valentine’s Day, American sales of gold jewelry lead to 34 million metric tons of waste. The vast majority of roses sold for Valentine’s Day in the U.S. are imported from South America, wasting fossil fuels. Valentine’s Day traces its roots to an ancient pagan holiday called Lupercalia, […]Sat, 13 Feb 2010 03:22:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-thing-to-wonder-about/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-thing-to-wonder-about/Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there […]Mon, 08 Feb 2010 02:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/evolution-by-steve-jobs/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/evolution-by-steve-jobs/viaThu, 28 Jan 2010 18:40:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/jeepers-creepers-pick-up-lines-that-work/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/jeepers-creepers-pick-up-lines-that-work/Let me spell my love for you S-T-A-L-K-E-R If you ever want to see your children again, you’ll do what I want. Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home ith you. Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime? I’m a necrophiliac, so why don’t you drop dead and […]Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:44:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-most-expensive-car-crashes-ever/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-most-expensive-car-crashes-ever/#10. Bugatti EB110 – $500,000 This 1992 $500,000 super-exotic Bugatti EB110 was being driven by a mechanic as part of its annual checkup. He claims there was an oil slick on the road which caused him to lose control and crash into a pole. The owner of the Bugatti is a famous ‘feel good’ guru […]Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/pie-chart-of-time-spent-working-on-electronics/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/pie-chart-of-time-spent-working-on-electronics/Fri, 08 Jan 2010 14:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/stuff-we-learned-in-2009/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/stuff-we-learned-in-2009/Domestic pigs can quickly learn how mirrors work and use them to find food. Grumpy people think more clearly because negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking. High cholesterol levels in midlife are associated with an increased risk of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia later in life. Analysis of Greenland ice samples shows […]Tue, 05 Jan 2010 15:35:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-that-haunt-me/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-that-haunt-me/If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape orshoplifting? Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are consideredassassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… But it’s only a ‘penny foryour thoughts’? Where’s that […]Sat, 02 Jan 2010 22:48:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/new-year-resolutions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/new-year-resolutions/2006: I will find a better social site than Orkut.2007: I will find a better social site than Myspace.2008: I will find a better social site than Facebook.2009: I will find a better social site than Twitter.2010: I will find a better social site than Busty Blondes. 2006: I will not become what my mother […]Fri, 01 Jan 2010 15:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/gm-sucks/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/gm-sucks/GM outsourced labor because they said they couldn’t make money paying American wages. Apparently GM couldn’t make money paying foreign wages either. What’s the common denominator here? Management wasn’t outsourced. The last couple of paragraphs tell the sad story indeed………..GEA Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (GM) decided to have a canoe […]Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:15:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-programmers-are-not-paid-in-proportion-to-their-productivity/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-programmers-are-not-paid-in-proportion-to-their-productivity/The most productive programmers are orders of magnitude more productive than average programmers. But salaries usually fall within a fairly small range in any company. Even across the entire profession, salaries don’t vary that much. If some programmers are 10x more productive than others, why aren’t they paid 10x as much? Joel Spolsky gave a […]Tue, 29 Dec 2009 13:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/holiday-fun-how-programming-language-fanboys-see-each-others-languages/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/holiday-fun-how-programming-language-fanboys-see-each-others-languages/Holiday Fun: How Programming Language Fanboys See Each Others’ Languages.Sun, 27 Dec 2009 13:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/microsoft-security-essentials-how-secure-is-it/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/microsoft-security-essentials-how-secure-is-it/Well, I’ve been using the Microsoft product ever since it was a private beta. I liked it, because it was smooth and light on my computer. Today is occurred to me. How secure is actually is. So I looked up for some tests and came across The “Firewall Leakage Tester” a small but really useful […]Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-best-and-the-worst-tech-of-the-decade/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-best-and-the-worst-tech-of-the-decade/With only a few weeks left until we close out the ‘naughts and move into the teens, it’s almost obligatory to take a look back at the best and not-so-best of the last decade. With that in mind, I polled the O’Reilly editors, authors, Friends, and a number of industry movers and shakers to gather […]Mon, 21 Dec 2009 04:42:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-fanboys-see-operating-systems/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-fanboys-see-operating-systems/Thu, 17 Dec 2009 13:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-economy-is-so-bad/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-economy-is-so-bad/The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. The economy is so bad I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?” The economy is so bad that CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. The economy is so […]Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:11:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-really-happened/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-really-happened/Wed, 16 Dec 2009 13:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/grandpa-reminiscing/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/grandpa-reminiscing/Mon, 14 Dec 2009 15:54:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/i-wonder-why/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/i-wonder-why/websites like facebook and twitter have a huge success although no one can deny how stupid and silly they both r ! teenagers can spend 2 weeks talking about movies like twilight and especially it’s second part new moon ?!! I’ve seen both and I have one word ! Lame ! People still forward e-mails […]Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:09:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/10-usability-crimes-you-really-shouldnt-commit/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/10-usability-crimes-you-really-shouldnt-commit/Over time certain conventions and best practices have been developed to help improve the general usability of websites during their design and build. This roundup of ten usability crimes highlights some of the most common mistakes or overlooked areas in web design and provides an alternative solution to help enhance the usability of your website. […]Tue, 01 Dec 2009 04:22:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/sunday-sweets-when-geeks-marry/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/sunday-sweets-when-geeks-marry/“I’m pretty sure I will never get tired of geeky wedding cakes. Especially when they come in so many great ‘flavors’: Coding Geek: Mac/PC Geek: (Sub’d by Kelly J., baker unknown, originally posted here.) Gamer Geek: (This is CW reader Christine W.’s wedding cake. If you’re wondering, it’s a Tonberry. And if you’re not […]Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:03:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-to-force-extension-compatibility-with-firefox-3-6/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-to-force-extension-compatibility-with-firefox-3-6/If you’ve already upgraded to Firefox 3.6, you might have noticed that many of your extensions no longer work, and the old checkCompatibility trick doesn’t work anymore. Or does it? Thanks to my good buddy Daniel for pointing out the change in Firefox 3.6. His personal blog is so nerdy it will make your head […]Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-history-of-the-internet-in-a-nutshell/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-history-of-the-internet-in-a-nutshell/If you’re reading this article, it’s likely that you spend a fair amount of time online. However, considering how much of an influence the Internet has in our daily lives, how many of us actually know the story of how it got its start? Here’s a brief history of the Internet, including important dates, people, […]Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:39:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/20-top-fun-motivational-facebook-status-updates/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/20-top-fun-motivational-facebook-status-updates/20 Top Fun & Motivational Facebook Status Updates!: ” Whether Facebook is evil or not is a rather controversial issue which will never result in an utterly black or white solution! Yet, despite that debate, Facebook has an undeniable power to be an educational and motivational tool which can bring smiles and motivation into our […]Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:37:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-phrases-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work-more-often/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-phrases-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work-more-often/Beware of naughty words. Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again… I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. How about never? Is never good for you? I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. I’m really easy to get along with […]Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:28:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-7-already-bigger-than-snow-leopard-and-linux-combined/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-7-already-bigger-than-snow-leopard-and-linux-combined/It’s only been a couple of weeks since Windows 7 was released, but Microsoft’s new OS has already captured a larger percentage of the market than Apple’s OS X 10.6 Snow Leopard and Linux (yes, all of Linux). This doesn’t come as a huge surprise, considering how many Windows users were clamoring for Win7 after […]Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/you-spend-more-time-on-msn-messenger-than-anything-else/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/you-spend-more-time-on-msn-messenger-than-anything-else/To some of you, this might be a shock. To the rest of you that prey on poor, unsuspecting girls with webcams… not so surprised. Apparently 14.5% of all online time is spent on MSN Live Messenger — 14.5% of 27 billion total hours. To put it into perspective, the next biggest service is Facebook […]Sat, 07 Nov 2009 23:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/amazons-suggestion-system-reveals-surprising-truth-about-coders-pic/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/amazons-suggestion-system-reveals-surprising-truth-about-coders-pic/Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:42:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/hmmm-i-knew-i-saw-a-trend-here/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/hmmm-i-knew-i-saw-a-trend-here/Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:19:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-hilarious-defaced-dollar-bills/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-hilarious-defaced-dollar-bills/This money is funny. LOLSun, 25 Oct 2009 12:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/were-too-rich-affluent-germans-petition-to-pay-more-taxes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/were-too-rich-affluent-germans-petition-to-pay-more-taxes/We’re too rich! Affluent Germans petition to pay more taxes: “A group of wealthy Germans launches a petition calling on the government to tax them more to fund social and environmental projects.”Sat, 24 Oct 2009 04:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/jordanian-women-who-dont-work/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/jordanian-women-who-dont-work/Jordanian Women Who Don’t Work: “ More and more Jordanian households are starting to depend on the working woman’s income. Clearly, Jordanian women are smarter and get much better grades than men. However there remains a big chunk of Jordanian women who do not work. I like to classify them into certain groups. 1- The […]Wed, 16 Sep 2009 14:47:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/weird-test-answers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/weird-test-answers/These are purported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants […]Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:27:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/interdisciplinary-studies-final-exam/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/interdisciplinary-studies-final-exam/Instructions: This is your comprehensive final exam. Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately. COMPUTER SCIENCE: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using that language, write a program that could complete the rest of this examination. Complete the examination manually as a check of your program results. HISTORY: Describe the […]Sat, 29 Aug 2009 05:09:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/expressions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/expressions/In George Washington’s days, there were no cameras. One’s image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, […]Mon, 24 Aug 2009 02:08:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/opera-10-beta-3-speeds-up-drops-unite-tweaks-interface/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/opera-10-beta-3-speeds-up-drops-unite-tweaks-interface/Opera 10 beta 3 speeds up, drops Unite, tweaks interface: ” Late last night Opera pushed out the third beta of the upcoming v10. There are plenty of feature updates and changes in this version, including a reported 40% speed boost to the Presto engine, improved Turbo compression, and a number of interface tweaks. Visual […]Thu, 13 Aug 2009 22:44:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-english-is-hard-to-learn/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-english-is-hard-to-learn/The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. Since there is […]Sat, 01 Aug 2009 23:59:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/cubicle-wisdom/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/cubicle-wisdom/If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent. Rome did not create a great empire by […]Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:11:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/reasons-why-dogs-are-better-than-kids/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/reasons-why-dogs-are-better-than-kids/For all you who do or don’t have kids… Kibble and water are cheaper than formula and diapers. They have more hair when they are born. Dogs never forget to "go" before they leave. Dogs can go on long trips without yelling "MOM HE’S TOUCHING ME!!!!" Dogs never grow out of being kissed in front […]Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-you-long-for/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-you-long-for/A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people,no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 5-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do, so for the next four months he ate bananas, drank […]Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:36:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-engineering-approach/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-engineering-approach/Dorothy is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying. One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was […]Sun, 28 Jun 2009 11:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-women-ran-the-world/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-women-ran-the-world/Medical research money would be spent on developing new birth control methods for men. Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams. Men would be forced to purchase overpriced clothes every season. Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles. PMS would be a legitimate defense in court. Shopping would be considered an aerobic […]Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:39:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-men-really-ruled-the-world/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-men-really-ruled-the-world/(from November 1998 issue of Maxim Magazine) When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the rear and a "Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time" […]Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-children-say/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-children-say/Public Outcry Ever notice how a 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karen, apparently […]Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-assignment/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-assignment/The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying […]Sat, 13 Jun 2009 11:56:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/youthful-insight/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/youthful-insight/HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they’re […]Fri, 12 Jun 2009 23:43:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/animal-style/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/animal-style/In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants […]Fri, 12 Jun 2009 02:59:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/net-obfuscation/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/net-obfuscation/For everyone out there looking for good Obfuscation for Microsoft .NET binaries, You might want to try Eazfuscator.NET. It’s really good, really easy to use and FREESun, 24 May 2009 19:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-is-butt-dust/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-is-butt-dust/What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust?’ Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!! JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and […]Fri, 01 May 2009 13:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/6-foot-ahole/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/6-foot-ahole/While she was “flying” down the road (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, […]Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:45:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/stress-management/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/stress-management/Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological tests. Picture yourself near a stream in the mountains. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. No one knows your secret place. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called […]Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:45:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/programming-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/programming-quotes/"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." – Brian Kernighan "There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses." – Bjarne […]Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:09:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/8-monkeys/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/8-monkeys/(This is reportedly based on an actual experiment conducted in the U.K.) Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with […]Mon, 13 Apr 2009 15:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/general-motors-helpline/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/general-motors-helpline/General Motors doesn’t have a “help line” for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars the way they buy computers – but imagine if they did… HELPLINE: “General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?” CUSTOMER: “I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!” HELPLINE: “Did […]Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:37:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-projections/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-projections/"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." ~~~ Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." ~~~ Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, […]Mon, 09 Mar 2009 17:06:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/police-law-enforcement-comedy/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/police-law-enforcement-comedy/The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country. Count down to #1… #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while." # 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document." #13 […]Sun, 08 Mar 2009 16:08:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/for-those-born-before-1986/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/for-those-born-before-1986/According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60’s, 70’s and early 80’s probably shouldn’t have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and […]Sat, 07 Mar 2009 05:48:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-patient-charts/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-patient-charts/She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. The patient is tearful and crying […]Sat, 28 Feb 2009 14:19:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-x64/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-x64/I’ve re-installed windows on my computer this week – (Reverted back from Windows 7 to Vista x64) so I had to install all the software I’m using. I’ve never used Windows x64 before and I’ve heard it’s as good as the 32-bit version, so I decided to give it a try. Well I don’t know […]Tue, 03 Feb 2009 02:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/simpsons-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/simpsons-quotes/Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to Home Simpsonget one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! What’s […]Fri, 30 Jan 2009 16:06:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-500-worst-passwords-of-all-time/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-500-worst-passwords-of-all-time/From the moment people started using passwords, it didn’t take long to realize how many people picked the very same passwords over and over. Even the way people misspell words is consistent. In fact, people are so predictable that most hackers make use of lists of common passwords just like these. To give you some […]Tue, 20 Jan 2009 06:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/another-cross-platform-post/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/another-cross-platform-post/About a couple of months now I’ve decided I was going to make my transition from Windows XP to Windows Vista (A bit too late, I know) So I got my Windows Vista upgradable version to the Vista Business Edition. Since the ultimate edition looked a bit too fancy for me. If you don’t already […]Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:26:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/more-funny-bumper-stickers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/more-funny-bumper-stickers/I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles. I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast. Jesus is coming, everyone look busy. There’s too much blood in my alcohol system. I used to have a handle on life, […]Sat, 17 Jan 2009 10:02:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/best-of-bumper-stickers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/best-of-bumper-stickers/My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that. Keep honking while I reload. If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy. Bad Cop! No Donut! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better I love cats … they taste […]Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/learn-spanish/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/learn-spanish/Cheese The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito Replies: ‘Maria likes me, but cheese fat.’ Mushroom When all of my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom. Shoulder My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I Shoulder. Texas My fren […]Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/20-interesting-facts-on-obesity/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/20-interesting-facts-on-obesity/Child-safety seat manufacturers are starting to make bigger models after a recent study showed that over 250,000 U.S. children age 6 and under are too fat to use them. According to a study by the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University, nearly half the 4,000 people responding to an online survey […]Wed, 24 Dec 2008 10:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/an-apology/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/an-apology/Hello there, whether you are a follower of this blog or not, you might have noticed that I DO NOT post any thing pornographic. But well for some laziness issues I don’t always host the photos I post, sometimes I just link them. Today I got a new comment on a post that contained 1 […]Wed, 24 Dec 2008 10:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/arab-american-comedian-dean-obeidallah-on-cnn-re-shoes-thrown-at-bush/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/arab-american-comedian-dean-obeidallah-on-cnn-re-shoes-thrown-at-bush/Sat, 20 Dec 2008 02:45:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-dr-seuss-were-a-technical-writer/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-dr-seuss-were-a-technical-writer/Here’s an easy game to play.Here’s an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds […]Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:03:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/weird-news-stories/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/weird-news-stories/Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. A company trying to continue its five-year […]Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-perfect-job/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-perfect-job/My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it – mainly […]Sat, 06 Dec 2008 04:19:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-air-traffic-control-stories/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-air-traffic-control-stories/-Tower: ‘Are you an Airbus 320 or 340?’ -Pilot: ‘An A340, of course!’ -Tower: ‘Well then, would you please start your other two engines before taxiing to take off?’ -Tower: ‘Do you have enough fuel or not?’ -Pilot: ‘Yes.’ -Tower: ‘Yes, what?’ -Pilot: ‘Yes, Sir!!!’ -Pilot: ‘Good morning, Bratislava.’ -Tower: ‘Good morning. Please note: This […]Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:11:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/darwin-awards-2008-top-acts-of-stupidity/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/darwin-awards-2008-top-acts-of-stupidity/The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef’s claim […]Sat, 29 Nov 2008 01:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/swearing-at-work/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/swearing-at-work/Dear Staff It has been brought to the CEO’s attention that some individuals throughout the organization have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize […]Wed, 26 Nov 2008 23:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/baby-talk/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/baby-talk/It was recently discovered by a group of scientists, a way of decoding Babies’ cries. Based on their research, most baby cries mean one of the following 16 things. I have my blankie, you have your caffeine. Enough said. Don’t be jealous, but I think I’m in love with the ceiling fan. I know where […]Wed, 26 Nov 2008 02:03:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/did-you-ever-stop-and-wonder/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/did-you-ever-stop-and-wonder/Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat? Why there a light in the fridge and not in the […]Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/axioms-of-the-new-generation/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/axioms-of-the-new-generation/Life isn’t like a box of chocolates, it’s more like a jar of jalapeños — you never know what’s going to burn your ass. I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it. […]Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:25:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-matrix-running-on-windows-xp/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-matrix-running-on-windows-xp/Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:42:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/limo-driver/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/limo-driver/After getting all of Pope John Paul’s luggage loaded into the limo(and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they […]Tue, 11 Nov 2008 01:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/fix-unresponsive-or-frozen-linux-computers-using-shortcuts/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/fix-unresponsive-or-frozen-linux-computers-using-shortcuts/Linux systems are known for their stable operation, designed to be operational without reboot for years. However if you still manage to pull a string and freeze up your computer there are quite a few ways to get the system back to work. You can login to a virtual console, use pgrep and pkill, use […]Sun, 09 Nov 2008 21:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-cats/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-cats/Fri, 07 Nov 2008 04:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/put-downs/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/put-downs/Some people are like slinkys. Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. If idiots could fly, this would be an airport! […]Thu, 06 Nov 2008 09:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-pickup-lines/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-pickup-lines/Did we go to different schools together? Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize? What pickup line actually works on you? Do you have any raisins? Well, then how about a date? I’m glad I’m not blind! Can you please scratch my back? My arms are far too muscular for […]Tue, 04 Nov 2008 15:46:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/20-ideas-for-making-the-olympics-kick-way-more-ass/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/20-ideas-for-making-the-olympics-kick-way-more-ass/Sun, 02 Nov 2008 23:15:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-only-learn-from-college/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-only-learn-from-college/Quarters are like gold. Be creative in the dining hall. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerry’s, Ho-Hos and Oreos Make sure your alarm […]Sun, 02 Nov 2008 19:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-funniest-telemarketer-comeback-ever/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-funniest-telemarketer-comeback-ever/Sun, 02 Nov 2008 15:25:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/maintaining-a-healthy-level-of-insanity/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/maintaining-a-healthy-level-of-insanity/At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk […]Fri, 31 Oct 2008 10:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs-youre-drinking-too-much-coffee/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs-youre-drinking-too-much-coffee/You answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You lick your coffeepot clean. You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there. Your […]Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:46:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/quotes-about-sex/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/quotes-about-sex/“My girlfriend always laughs during sex –no matter what she’s reading.” Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers) “Don’t knock masturbation — it’s sex with someone I love.” Woody Allen “Lord, grant me chastity and continence… but not yet.” St. Augustine “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can […]Thu, 30 Oct 2008 10:40:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/bad-days/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/bad-days/The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale. A psychology student in […]Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:02:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-computers-can-do-in-movies/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-computers-can-do-in-movies/Word processors never display a cursor. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences. Movie characters never make typing mistakes. All monitors display inch-high letters. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don’t have graphical […]Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:43:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-of-the-best-out-of-office-automatic-email-replies/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-of-the-best-out-of-office-automatic-email-replies/I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all. […]Sun, 26 Oct 2008 08:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-republican-national-convention-in-a-minute/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-republican-national-convention-in-a-minute/Sat, 25 Oct 2008 21:55:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-learn-from-having-kids/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-learn-from-having-kids/A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog leash […]Fri, 24 Oct 2008 08:06:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/warnings/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/warnings/Product Warnings: "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." — In the information booklet. "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." — On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. "For external use only!" — On a curling iron. "Warning: This product […]Thu, 23 Oct 2008 23:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-internet-is-for/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-internet-is-for/Wed, 22 Oct 2008 17:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-you-cant-answer/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-you-cant-answer/The maker doesn’t want it; the buyer doesn’t use it; and the user doesn’t see it. What is it? A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible? Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the […]Wed, 22 Oct 2008 10:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/101-greatest-george-carlin-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/101-greatest-george-carlin-quotes/These are 101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes: I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds! Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense! A house […]Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:41:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/stupid-geek-tricks-hide-data-in-a-secret-text-file-compartment/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/stupid-geek-tricks-hide-data-in-a-secret-text-file-compartment/In today’s edition of Stupid Geek Tricks (where we show off little-known tricks to impress your non-geek friends), we’ll learn how to hide data in a text file that can’t be seen by anybody else unless they know the name of the secret compartment. How it Works Ever since Windows 2000, the NTFS file system […]Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/dont-argue-with-the-gay-flight-attendant/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/dont-argue-with-the-gay-flight-attendant/My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big […]Sun, 19 Oct 2008 16:14:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-of-being-a-man/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-of-being-a-man/Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: When a heroic dog dies to save its master. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. After wrecking your boss’s car. When she is using her teeth. Any Man who brings a […]Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:31:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/management-lesson-101/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/management-lesson-101/Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 […]Sun, 19 Oct 2008 00:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/polar-bear-attack/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/polar-bear-attack/Mon, 13 Oct 2008 23:42:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-army-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-army-quotes/To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. Murphy’s Law of Combat: "Never forget that your weapon was manufactured by the lowest bidder" "They couldn’t hit an elephant at this […]Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:34:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-you-should-ask/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-you-should-ask/Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee […]Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:22:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/euro-english/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/euro-english/European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known […]Sun, 12 Oct 2008 11:54:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/drunken-text-messages/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/drunken-text-messages/Sun, 12 Oct 2008 08:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/live-pacman-running-around-library/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/live-pacman-running-around-library/Sun, 12 Oct 2008 03:28:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/stuff-women-really-need-to-know-about-men/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/stuff-women-really-need-to-know-about-men/Women might be a mystery to men, we all admit that, but, in order for us to get along well, there are a few things that they should know about men too: If you’re cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: […]Sat, 11 Oct 2008 21:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/life-explained/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/life-explained/A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. "Not very long," answered the Mexican. "But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American. The Mexican explained that […]Sat, 11 Oct 2008 18:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/apple-receives-patent-for-the-os-x-dock/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/apple-receives-patent-for-the-os-x-dock/Apple has received a patent for the dock utility for launching applications in OS X. Yes, the dock has been around for the better part of a decade, but Apple applied for the patent back in 1999 and didn’t receive it until this week. The patent describes an interface for consolidating frequently used items in […]Thu, 09 Oct 2008 01:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-did-the-fight-start/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-did-the-fight-start/When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…. so, I took her to a gas station….. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in […]Wed, 08 Oct 2008 03:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-a-woman-wants-in-a-man/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-a-woman-wants-in-a-man/What a woman wants in a man, Original List (age 22): Handsome Charming Financially successful A caring listener Witty In good shape Dresses with style Appreciates finer things Full of thoughtful surprises An imaginative, romantic lover. What a woman wants in a man, Revised List (age 32): Nice looking (prefer hair on his head) Opens […]Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-dubai-raping-women-is-rewarded-only-in-iraq/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-dubai-raping-women-is-rewarded-only-in-iraq/Raping Women is Rewarded…. Only in Iraq 8A444212-55E4-E750-A32C-E4453D874F83 1.02.05Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:15:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/well-said/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/well-said/If your father is a poor man, it is your fate. But, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…. Practice makes perfect….. But nobody’s perfect…… So why practice? […]Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-little-inspiration/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-little-inspiration/What I have learned as I have matured… I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, […]Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:33:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/laws-for-women-to-live-by/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/laws-for-women-to-live-by/Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be […]Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:07:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/instructions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/instructions/On a Sear’s hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Dang, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair) On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be […]Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-english-language-reruns/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-english-language-reruns/There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn’t canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are […]Sun, 05 Oct 2008 18:34:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/21-thoughts-to-get-you-through-almost-any-crisis/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/21-thoughts-to-get-you-through-almost-any-crisis/Indecision is the key to flexibility. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice […]Sun, 05 Oct 2008 10:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-conan-obrien-thinks-of-your-country/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-conan-obrien-thinks-of-your-country/Afghanistan The bad news is, there’s a new article about everyone farming opium. The good news is, you can’t read. Albania The perfect getaway for people who love Kosovo, but hate the working phone service. Algeria It took you eight years to beat France. Andorra How does it feel, being Luxembourg’s bitch? Angola Hey, call […]Sat, 04 Oct 2008 14:18:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/advice-from-children/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/advice-from-children/Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10 When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don’t answer him. – Michael, 14 Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14 Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9 Never pee on an electric fence. – […]Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/pilots-crib-sheet/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/pilots-crib-sheet/Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick back – then they get bigger again. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous. It’s always better to be down […]Fri, 03 Oct 2008 04:46:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/darwin-awards-4/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/darwin-awards-4/Fri, 03 Oct 2008 04:43:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/confusion-says/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/confusion-says/Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone. One who run in front of car get tired. One who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish Man give wife grand piano, wise Man give wife upright organ. […]Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:18:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/driving-in-ireland-stories/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/driving-in-ireland-stories/Wexford Garda Traffic cops had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but weren’t getting many. Then they discovered the problem – a 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read ‘SPEED TRAP AHEAD’. The cops also found that the little guy had an accomplice who was further […]Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/where-you-wish-the-streets-have-no-name/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/where-you-wish-the-streets-have-no-name/Thu, 25 Sep 2008 22:37:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-answering-machine-messages/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-answering-machine-messages/"A" is for academics, "B" is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me […]Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:59:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/help-desk-stories/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/help-desk-stories/Customer: “Uhh…I need help unpacking my new PC.” Tech Support: “What exactly is the problem?” Customer: “I can’t open the box.” Tech Support: “Well, I’d remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there.” Customer: “Uhhhh…ok, thanks….” Tech Support: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the […]Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/home-depot-scam/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/home-depot-scam/A"heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends. Here’s […]Wed, 24 Sep 2008 12:40:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/42-phrases-a-lexophile-would-love/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/42-phrases-a-lexophile-would-love/wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Police were called to a day care, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. To write […]Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:34:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-bathroom-graffiti/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-bathroom-graffiti/A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it. (Women’s restroom – Dick’s Last Resort: Dallas, Texas) At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. (Bentley’s House of Coffee and Tea: Tucson, Arizona) Beauty is only a light switch away. (Perkins Library – Duke University: Durham, […]Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:50:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/browser-battle-firefox-3-1-vs-chrome-vs-ie-8/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/browser-battle-firefox-3-1-vs-chrome-vs-ie-8/Mozilla’s second alpha of Firefox 3.1 is upping the ante in the next-generation browser battle. So how do the main contenders stack up so far now? One thing’s for sure, the Firefox team has taken note of Google’s recent Chrome release and worked hard to make sure its offering can hold its own. Mozilla had […]Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/23-awesome-license-plates-for-computer-geeks/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/23-awesome-license-plates-for-computer-geeks/This guy googled his own car Good, Old fashioned networking But others prefer wireless Could he be an Apple fan? Fresh start Leet speak hacker pride Hope this car isn’t open source too Someone is into graphics The definition of white Geek Away From Keyboard The plate every system admin dreams about Please don’t shutdown […]Wed, 17 Sep 2008 22:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/flight-announcements/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/flight-announcements/From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane." Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay […]Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:54:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/ten-commandments-for-developers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/ten-commandments-for-developers/In order that applications and operating system shall not drive users insane thou shall: 1. Allow immediate termination I hit the wrong button. I changed my mind. I didn’t know it would take this long. Either way, the operation needs a cancel button that should take immediate effect and quickly clean up what it can. […]Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:35:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-to-write-good/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/how-to-write-good/Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English: Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.) Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren’t necessary. […]Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:25:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/46-things-that-girls-should-know-by-now-but-dont/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/46-things-that-girls-should-know-by-now-but-dont/If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that […]Sat, 13 Sep 2008 23:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-50-bushisms-and-dumb-bush-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-50-bushisms-and-dumb-bush-quotes/"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here." —at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002 "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001 "You […]Sat, 13 Sep 2008 19:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/kids/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/kids/A kindergarten student told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her student. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?!?!" the teacher yelled in shock. "You know," explained the boy, "I […]Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:45:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/beware-of-prince-charles/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/beware-of-prince-charles/Year 1981 Prince Charles got married. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe Australia lost the Ashes tournament Pope died. Year 2005 Prince Charles got married Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.! Australia lost the Ashes tournament. Pope died. IN THE FUTURE, IF PRINCE CHARLES DECIDES TO MARRY, SOMEBODY PLEASE WARN THE POPE.Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:42:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-things-you-should-have-learned-by-the-time-you-have-reached-middle-age/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-things-you-should-have-learned-by-the-time-you-have-reached-middle-age/If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat. Artificial intelligence is no match […]Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:37:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/life-is-about-saying-the-right-stuff/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/life-is-about-saying-the-right-stuff/Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sees his clothing in […]Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:46:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/mitch-hedberg-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/mitch-hedberg-quotes/I got an ant farm… them fellas didn’t grow shit! I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don’t go see Dr. Acula. I had a Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper… but it’s the bullshit replica, cause dude didn’t even get his degree. One […]Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-brilliance-of-military-warnings/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-brilliance-of-military-warnings/"Aim towards the Enemy." – Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." – U.S. Army "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." – U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop "If the enemy is in range, so are you." […]Mon, 08 Sep 2008 12:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/so-you-think-you-had-a-bad-day/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/so-you-think-you-had-a-bad-day/Just in case you think you’ve had a bad day, consider how is could have been much, much worse …. => CURL UP AND DIE I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" => […]Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-do-real-programmers-do/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-do-real-programmers-do/Real programmers don’t write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. Real programmers don’t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. Real programmers don’t write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming […]Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:59:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-code-doesnt-do-in-real-life-that-it-does-in-the-movies/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/what-code-doesnt-do-in-real-life-that-it-does-in-the-movies/I understand that Hollywood needs to dress things up to make them more entertaining, but in the case of programmers, code, and hackers they’ve done more than dress things up – they’ve morphed a little stuffed teddy bear into a cybernetic polar bear covered in Christmas lights and phosphorescent hieroglyphics with a fog machine pumping […]Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:55:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-15-pickup-lines/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-15-pickup-lines/Nice dress, can I talk you out of it? Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world! Fat Penguin. (she says what?) hey just had to say something that would break the ice If i flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head? I noticed you noticing me, […]Mon, 01 Sep 2008 13:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-linux-isnt-the-best-option-for-me/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-linux-isnt-the-best-option-for-me/Linux, specifically Ubuntu, is a brilliant operating system. I’ve used quite a few distributions of Linux. Including: Ubuntu Kubuntu OpenSuse DSL (Damn Small Linux) Knoppix And more. As you can see, by my old posts, showing shots of my Ubuntu Desktop, I have tried to use Linux as my main operating system. Yes, for some […]Mon, 25 Aug 2008 00:47:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/more-reasons-why-linux-has-failed-on-the-desktop/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/more-reasons-why-linux-has-failed-on-the-desktop/Linux enthusiast Gary Nielsen has listed a few reasons why his desktop is still running the Windows Vista operating system and not an Open Source alternative. His top reason really goes back to my most recent post on this subject: Why Linux will always be stuck in the minority. (lack of good commercial software on […]Sun, 24 Aug 2008 16:39:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/wall-post/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/wall-post/Seen on ladies room wallSun, 24 Aug 2008 16:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/murphys-computers-laws/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/murphys-computers-laws/Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory. The value […]Sun, 24 Aug 2008 16:19:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/weird-laws/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/weird-laws/Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh.". In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. In Bahrain, […]Sun, 24 Aug 2008 01:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/dancing-walrus/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/dancing-walrus/Sat, 16 Aug 2008 05:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/iron-man-and-batman/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/iron-man-and-batman/Sat, 16 Aug 2008 05:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-i-have-learned-from-children/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-i-have-learned-from-children/A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 3 year old child’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog […]Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/kinder-gentler-ways-to-say-someone-is-stupid/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/kinder-gentler-ways-to-say-someone-is-stupid/The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead. A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. Dumber than a box of hair. A few peas short of a casserole. Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one box. […]Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:46:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-my-mother-taught-me/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-my-mother-taught-me/My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE- "If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION – "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:- "If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to […]Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-15-biblical-ways-to-get-a-wife/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-15-biblical-ways-to-get-a-wife/Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. – (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) Find a prostitute and marry her. – (Hosea 1:1-3) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. – Moses (Ex 2:16-21) Purchase a piece […]Sun, 10 Aug 2008 03:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/pregnancy-tips/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/pregnancy-tips/Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/21-laws-of-computer-programming/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/21-laws-of-computer-programming/As any experienced computer programmer knows, there are unwritten laws that govern software development. However there are no penalties for breaking these laws; rather, there is often a reward. Following are 21 Laws of Computer Programming: Any given program, once deployed, is already obsolete. It is easier to change the specification to fit the program […]Thu, 07 Aug 2008 09:56:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/interesting-driving-school-exam-answers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/interesting-driving-school-exam-answers/The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way […]Fri, 01 Aug 2008 02:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/australian-tourists/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/australian-tourists/The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The (sometimes brilliant) answers are apparently the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. Q: (UK) Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how […]Thu, 31 Jul 2008 06:40:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-quotes/Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. –Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. –Roseanne Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. –Billy […]Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/qantas-maintenance-reports/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/qantas-maintenance-reports/After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of […]Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:06:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/words-to-live-by/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/words-to-live-by/Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. It’s always darkest before dawn. […]Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-quotes-from-federal-employee-performance-evaluations/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-quotes-from-federal-employee-performance-evaluations/"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be." "Works well when under […]Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:31:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-best-geek-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-best-geek-quotes/1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d Microsoft: "You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips." There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t. My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they’re like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I […]Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/life-reflections-by-george-carlin/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/life-reflections-by-george-carlin/You have to love George Carlin for his great words of wisdom. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. I’m in shape. Round is a shape. I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Do […]Sat, 26 Jul 2008 16:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-we-like-the-british/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-we-like-the-british/BRITISH NEWSPAPERS Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily […]Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-to-do-while-watching-lord-of-the-rings/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-to-do-while-watching-lord-of-the-rings/Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait…where the hell is Harry Potter?" Block the entrance to the theatre while screaming, "YOU…..SHALL….NOT….. PASS!" Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says, "the Ring." Point and laugh whenever someone dies. Ask everyone around you if they think […]Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-8-morons-of-2008/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-8-morons-of-2008/1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS. Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman […]Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:15:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/50-other-facts-of-life/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/50-other-facts-of-life/Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. […]Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:41:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/desktop-search-engines/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/desktop-search-engines/When the topic of desktop searching is brought, Google desktop and maybe Microsoft "Windows Search" are the only 2 competing software available both for windows only. I’ve tried both of the for a while now and I think I made up my mind when it comes to judging the 2 famous desktop searches. Starting with […]Mon, 21 Jul 2008 23:05:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/mens-rules-for-men/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/mens-rules-for-men/Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse After wrecking your boss’ Ferrari When […]Sun, 20 Jul 2008 14:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/three-women/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/three-women/Three women, one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman: The other night when my […]Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/axioms/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/axioms/Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? I just got lost […]Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:59:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/several-dozen-of-the-stupidest-things-ever-said/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/several-dozen-of-the-stupidest-things-ever-said/"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." –Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." –Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I […]Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:35:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/twenty-one-reasons-why-english-is-hard-to-learn/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/twenty-one-reasons-why-english-is-hard-to-learn/The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. Since there was no […]Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/wiener-poopie/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/wiener-poopie/Sat, 05 Jul 2008 15:57:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/disorder-in-the-court/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/disorder-in-the-court/These excerpts from court transcripts are purported tobe true. You be the judge! The following are actual statements made during courtcases:From a defendant representing himself…Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I stole your purse?Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse.Defendant: I should have shot […]Sat, 05 Jul 2008 15:55:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-funny-stories/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-funny-stories/NUDITY (don’t assume…just read it!) I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn’t wearing […]Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/40-things-youd-love-to-say-out-loud-at-work/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/40-things-youd-love-to-say-out-loud-at-work/I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. How about never? Is never good for you? I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. I’m really easy to get along with […]Sat, 05 Jul 2008 01:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/men-vs-women-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/men-vs-women-2/Relationships: First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship – he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled […]Fri, 04 Jul 2008 06:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-boys-confession/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-boys-confession/"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl". The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her […]Fri, 04 Jul 2008 04:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/larry-the-cable-guy/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/larry-the-cable-guy/Catch phrases Git-R-Done! Lord, I apologize… and be with the starving Pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen. “I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there!” (sometimes with this line added: “If you don’t think that’s funny you can get the hell outta here, ’cause that’s funny right there…”) Other My sister is […]Thu, 03 Jul 2008 11:06:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/sensible-observations/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/sensible-observations/When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from […]Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/beer-troubleshooting-101/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/beer-troubleshooting-101/SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy […]Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/amazing-simple-home-remedies/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/amazing-simple-home-remedies/If you are chocking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. Avoid arguments about the toilet seat – Use the sink. For high blood-pressure […]Fri, 20 Jun 2008 12:25:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/tips-for-maintainable-java-code/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/tips-for-maintainable-java-code/There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. — C.A.R. Hoare Here’s a random collection of personal observations (some well established to the point […]Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/quotes-for-programmers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/quotes-for-programmers/They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. (Janet Reno) I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image. (Stephen Hawking) If it […]Wed, 28 May 2008 11:08:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/useless-facts-weird-information/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/useless-facts-weird-information/The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. The shortest […]Tue, 27 May 2008 11:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs-2/A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O’Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands. At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment. At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the […]Mon, 26 May 2008 23:34:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/lexophiles-lovers-of-words/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/lexophiles-lovers-of-words/A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired. A will is a dead giveaway. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. If you […]Mon, 26 May 2008 13:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/dog-diary-vs-cat-diary/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/dog-diary-vs-cat-diary/Dog’s diary 8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm – Played […]Mon, 26 May 2008 13:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/application-for-permission-to-date-my-daughter/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/application-for-permission-to-date-my-daughter/NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. 1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________ 2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______ 3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________ 4. BOY SCOUT RANK ___________________________________________________ 5. […]Mon, 26 May 2008 12:40:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-vista-experience-installing-uninstalling/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-vista-experience-installing-uninstalling/Before I start I just want to make an announcement: "I don’t hate Microsoft, I just envy Bill Gates". I’ve been hearing bad and good things about Windows Vista for some time now, so I decided to give it a try since I don’t trust the judgement of other people. So I got the Ultimate […]Thu, 22 May 2008 15:57:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-10-april-fools-day-hoaxes-of-all-time/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-10-april-fools-day-hoaxes-of-all-time/#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen […]Mon, 19 May 2008 08:28:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-i-hate-being-a-jordanian/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-i-hate-being-a-jordanian/Last Wednesday a Jordanian court of law sentenced a man for 6 months of jail for electrocuting his 16 year old daughter to death for committing adultery. The poor girl came to her father and confessed that she slept with a guy she knew which drove the father "insane". He kept beating her up for […]Thu, 01 May 2008 11:01:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/men-vs-women/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/men-vs-women/NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. ———- EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John […]Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-wouldnt-know-without-movies-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-wouldnt-know-without-movies-2/Here’s a list of things you wouldn’t know if it wasn’t for movies: It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know […]Tue, 08 Apr 2008 08:18:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/artificial-quicksort/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/artificial-quicksort/People, there is a new sorting algorithm in town.. well it’s not that new it’s been here since 2004 but I’ve just heard about it It’s called the “Artificial QuickSort algorithm” and it goes like: #include #include int array[20000000]; int Rnd(int x1, int x2) { int x = x2 – x1 + 1; […]Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/another-great-place-for-free-computer-related-e-books/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/another-great-place-for-free-computer-related-e-books/Free Computer Books, Tutorials & Lecture Notes Hope you like it, in case you’re looking for other sites try searching my blogWed, 02 Apr 2008 19:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/flash-cursor-games/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/flash-cursor-games/http://www.project-euh.com/cursors/?link=ok Ok, they are not games. But would be great pranks to pull on a computer newbi. I’m not a flash developer but I think they’re not that easy to makeWed, 02 Apr 2008 18:58:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-20-oxymorons/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-20-oxymorons/Here are pairs of words that should not be said together. . .yet tend to be said more often than not. Act Natural Genuine Imitation Good Grief Same Difference Almost Exactly Sanitary Landfill Alone Together Silent Scream Living Dead Small Crowd New Classic Sweet Sorrow “Now, Then” Passive Aggressive Taped Live Clearly Misunderstood Peace Force […]Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:18:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/cakes-and-ale/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/cakes-and-ale/Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and […]Sat, 22 Mar 2008 17:42:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/lawyer-jokes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/lawyer-jokes/> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ——————————————————————————– > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ——————————————————————————– > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: And in what ways […]Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:36:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/kiss-defined/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/kiss-defined/Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the […]Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:55:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/writer/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/writer/There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in […]Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/dear-abby/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/dear-abby/The following are a few letters sent to Abigail Van Burin (Dear Abby) that she herself admitted she was at a loss to answer: Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR? Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy […]Thu, 14 Feb 2008 00:22:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/gjay/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/gjay/GJay (Gtk+ DJ) generates playlists across a collection of music (ogg, mp3, wav) such that each song sounds good following the previous song. It is ideal for home users who want a non-random way to wander large collections or for DJs planning a set list. You can generate playlists from within the application, or run […]Thu, 14 Feb 2008 00:07:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/audacity-the-free-cross-platform-sound-editor/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/audacity-the-free-cross-platform-sound-editor/Audacity is free, open source software for recording and editing sounds. It is available for Mac OS X, Microsoft Windows, GNU/Linux, and other operating systems. Learn more about Audacity… Also check our Wiki and Forum for more information. The latest release of Audacity is 1.3.4 (beta). Because it is a work in progress and does […]Thu, 14 Feb 2008 00:02:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/free-online-computer-science-and-programming-books-textbooks-and-lecture-notes-freetechbooks-com/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/free-online-computer-science-and-programming-books-textbooks-and-lecture-notes-freetechbooks-com/No catch. Absolutely free Free Online Computer Science and Programming Books, Textbooks, and Lecture Notes | FreeTechBooks.comWed, 13 Feb 2008 00:56:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/discoveries-and-inventions-by-men-and-women/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/discoveries-and-inventions-by-men-and-women/Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP. Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP. Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY. Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET. Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, […]Sat, 09 Feb 2008 10:06:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/software-engineering-proverbs/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/software-engineering-proverbs/Below are some of my favorite Software Engineering quotes. A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. — Einstein André Bensoussan once explained to me the difference between a programmer and a designer: “If you make a general statement, a programmer says, ‘Yes, but…’ while a designer says, ‘Yes, and…’” No matter […]Sat, 09 Feb 2008 01:39:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/popup-blocker-tester/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/popup-blocker-tester/As you might know, all modern web browsers contain a built-in popup blocker. But the real question is "Does it really work?". This is where our friends at PopupTest.com come in handy. This web site enables you to test your browser against various techniques of popup spamming. And if your browser fails in any of […]Mon, 04 Feb 2008 00:43:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-goodtimes-email-virus/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-goodtimes-email-virus/Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use […]Fri, 01 Feb 2008 21:12:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-evolution-of-a-programmer/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-evolution-of-a-programmer/High School/Jr.High 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD" 20 END First year in College program Hello(input, output) begin writeln(‘Hello World’) end. Senior year in College (defun hello (print (cons ‘Hello (list ‘World)))) New professional #include void main(void) { char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"}; int i; for(i = 0; iFri, 01 Feb 2008 21:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/microsoft-puts-its-mouse-in-mac-clothing/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/microsoft-puts-its-mouse-in-mac-clothing/Microsoft is looking to make its Bluetooth notebook mouse more Mac friendly. The emphasis in that sentence is on the word “looking.” The software maker hasn’t made any software or hardware changes to the Bluetooth Notebook Mouse 5000. It has however, created a new retail packaging for the product, dubbing it Microsoft Notebook Mouse for […]Fri, 18 Jan 2008 22:46:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/net-framework-library-source-code-now-available-scottgus-blog/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/net-framework-library-source-code-now-available-scottgus-blog/The .NET Framework source is being released under a read-only reference license. When we announced that we were releasing the source back in October, some people had concerns about the potential impact of their viewing the source. To help clarify .NET Framework Library Source Code now available – ScottGu’s BlogThu, 17 Jan 2008 22:42:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/open-source-software-for-windows/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/open-source-software-for-windows/Open source projects are usually free, and more stable than small commercial software. But that’s not always true. Anyway if you’re looking for open source software to use on Windows you can check out the list below Web browsers: FireFox: one of the best browsers out there. Video players: Miro: Plays almost all video types, […]Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/keeping-windows-alive-part-3/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/keeping-windows-alive-part-3/Registry – The origin of most problems This is the bad part in Windows as an OS. Windows has this very huge data center where the system and many applications can store anything, most of the registry is meaningless for a normal human, given that you might be able to track down and understand a […]Fri, 11 Jan 2008 12:08:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/keeping-windows-alive-part-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/keeping-windows-alive-part-2/Now that we’re done talking about disk cleanup, it’s time to discuss disk defragmentation Disk Defragment Disks are always partitioned to those small pieces we call “Allocation Units” when reformatting them. This means that the disk is cut into small pieces with specific size for each piece. So when a file is written on that […]Thu, 10 Jan 2008 23:37:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/keeping-windows-alive-part-1/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/keeping-windows-alive-part-1/If you are a download junkie like myself, you must have noticed that after installing and removing software Windows tends to become slow and moody. The simplest answer is to blame Microsoft for that. Well it’s not always the case even though sometimes it is the only reason. People tend to compare Windows to Mac […]Wed, 09 Jan 2008 23:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-2007-darwin-awards/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-2007-darwin-awards/When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger […]Tue, 08 Jan 2008 01:00:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/way-too-many-questions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/way-too-many-questions/Who closes the door after the bus driver gets off the bus? Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round? What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Don’t you find it worrying that doctors […]Sun, 06 Jan 2008 03:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-clock-for-math-whizzes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-clock-for-math-whizzes/Math enthusiasts who don’t want to move totally into the digital realm might appreciate this analog clock. Each number is expressed as a calculation involving three instances of the number 9. For example, 5 o’clock is the square root of nine (3), factorial (3x2x1 = 6), minus 9/9 (6-1 = 5). The trickiest time is […]Sat, 05 Jan 2008 13:15:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-wit-of-steven-wright/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-wit-of-steven-wright/Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Whatever […]Sat, 05 Jan 2008 02:02:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-point-system/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-point-system/In the world of romance, one single rule applies … ‘Make the woman happy’ ….. Do something she likes and you get points…. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. ……You don’t get any points for doing something she expects… Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the […]Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/restroom-poetry/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/restroom-poetry/Found in restrooms around the US: The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open. * Women’s restroom, Murphy’s, Champaign, IL Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die. * Men’s restroom, Murphy’s, Champaign, IL If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can’t take […]Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/difficult-questions-and-intelligent-answers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/difficult-questions-and-intelligent-answers/Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper) Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC […]Sat, 29 Dec 2007 11:05:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/racial-airways/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/racial-airways/On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating. “What seems to be the problem, Madam?” asked the attendant. “Can’t you see?” she said, “You’ve sat me next to […]Sat, 29 Dec 2007 10:45:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-police-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/funny-police-quotes/The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail […]Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:41:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/pray-for-thor/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/pray-for-thor/Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:31:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/do-you-know-who-i-am/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/do-you-know-who-i-am/An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long […]Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:29:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/logic-and-the-english-language/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/logic-and-the-english-language/Let’s face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig […]Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:19:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-useful-condescending-phrases/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-useful-condescending-phrases/Some useful phrases to use as an Evil Overlord as given by Steve Meredith. These humorous cuts were originally listed as useful phrases to use around work but they probably only work well if you are a Evil Overlord(TM). Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that […]Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:04:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/newspaper-headlines/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/newspaper-headlines/Include Your Children when Baking Cookies Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian […]Sat, 15 Dec 2007 12:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/haiku-error-messages/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/haiku-error-messages/Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred. Everything is gone; Your life’s work has been destroyed. Squeeze trigger (yes/no)? Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. Seeing my great fault Through darkening blue windows I begin again The code […]Sat, 15 Dec 2007 12:48:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-13-ways-hell-is-better-than-your-job/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-13-ways-hell-is-better-than-your-job/Your coffee stays hot all day Never have to look very far to find the legal department In Hell, you know who drank your Coke in the fridge – Satan 30% fewer “Dilbert” cartoons in the break room In Hell, that devil-may-care attitude of yours comes in handy You get to spend more time with […]Tue, 11 Dec 2007 01:14:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/courtroom-testimony/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/courtroom-testimony/These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every […]Fri, 07 Dec 2007 03:14:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/little-johnny-joke/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/little-johnny-joke/A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!” The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?” […]Mon, 26 Nov 2007 01:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-joke/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-joke/A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.“What are you doing?” she asked.“Hunting flies,” He responded.“Oh, killing any?” She asked.“Yep, three males, two females,” he replied.Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?He responded, “Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”Tue, 20 Nov 2007 15:08:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-100-reasons-its-great-to-be-a-guy/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-top-100-reasons-its-great-to-be-a-guy/Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Movie nudity is virtually always female. You know stuff about tanks. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. Monday Night Football. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. You can open all your own jars. Old friends don’t […]Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:54:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-you-should-never-question-a-drunk/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-you-should-never-question-a-drunk/A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk,a carton of eggs,a quart of orange juice,a head of romaine lettuce,a 2 lb. can of coffee anda 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind […]Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:47:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/mcdonalds-application/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/mcdonalds-application/This is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida – and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I were […]Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:41:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-idiots/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-idiots/Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into […]Mon, 19 Nov 2007 01:14:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/who-am-i-sleeping-with/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/who-am-i-sleeping-with/A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every […]Sun, 18 Nov 2007 01:35:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/lipstick-in-school/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/lipstick-in-school/According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving […]Sun, 18 Nov 2007 01:22:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/for-those-who-take-life-too-seriously/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/for-those-who-take-life-too-seriously/Save the whales. Collect the whole set A day without sunshine is, like, night On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. I feel […]Sun, 18 Nov 2007 01:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-men-are-just-happier-people/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-men-are-just-happier-people/Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. […]Sat, 17 Nov 2007 04:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/signs/On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.” Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit please back in.” On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.” On […]Sat, 17 Nov 2007 04:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-unexpectedly-useful-websites-for-the-uncommonly-curious/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/25-unexpectedly-useful-websites-for-the-uncommonly-curious/This eclectic list of websites has so many out of the ordinary pleasures that it is hard to know where to start. This unique list has links to many entertaining and/or useful websites. The sites are not listed in any particular order of importance, and this list is not intended to be an all-inclusive map […]Mon, 12 Nov 2007 01:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/indian-hell/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/indian-hell/A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, “What do they do here?” He was told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails […]Thu, 08 Nov 2007 01:06:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/hamburger-restaurant/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/hamburger-restaurant/A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning […]Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/psychology-coach/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/psychology-coach/The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair […]Tue, 30 Oct 2007 06:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/shoe-repair/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/shoe-repair/Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair […]Sun, 28 Oct 2007 08:09:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/sports-commentator-bloopers-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/sports-commentator-bloopers-2/Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I’m sure they would like to take back: Grand Prix Race Announcer: “The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back.” Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: “I owe […]Sat, 27 Oct 2007 13:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/language-and-other-questions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/language-and-other-questions/Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? Why is it called “rush hour” when your car barely moves? If a 7-Eleven is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If it’s a circular drive, how do you get out? How do […]Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-ten-signs-of-job-burn-out/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-ten-signs-of-job-burn-out/You’re so tired, you now answer the phone with just: “Hell.” Your friends call to ask how you’ve been, and you immediately scream, “Get off my back!!”. Your garbage can is your “in” box. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don’t care. You […]Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:31:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-five-toughest-questions-for-men/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-five-toughest-questions-for-men/What are you thinking about? Do you love me? Do I look fat? Do you think she is prettier than me? What would you do if I died? Here is the problem: If the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth),every single one is absolutely guaranteed to explode into a major argument.As a public service, […]Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:26:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/corporate-america-today/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/corporate-america-today/You know you work for corporate America today if: You’ve sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note. When someone […]Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:11:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/english-kills/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/english-kills/The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.The Italians […]Sun, 21 Oct 2007 04:39:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/human-viruses/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/human-viruses/Care to scan yourself for viruses online?? Try Totl.net. it’s free, simple and all trueSun, 21 Oct 2007 02:25:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/in-facts/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/in-facts/More Monopoly money is printed yearly than real money throughout the world. Penguins are not found in the North Pole People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier errors worldwide. A dentist invented the Electric Chair. Rudolf the Red-nosed reindeer was actually created as a promotional figure for Montgommery Wards department […]Sat, 20 Oct 2007 03:38:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-signs-that-we-have-found/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/actual-signs-that-we-have-found/A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O’Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands. At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment. At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the […]Sat, 20 Oct 2007 03:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-from-kids-to-god/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/questions-from-kids-to-god/Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t you just keep the ones you have now?Jane Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Dear God, It rained for […]Thu, 18 Oct 2007 03:56:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-use-firefox/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/why-use-firefox/If you are using IE and you need a browser that doesn’t crash, read the following: A Better Web Experience Firefox 1.5 has an intuitive interface and blocks viruses, spyware, and popup ads. It delivers Web pages faster than ever. And it’s easy to install and import your favorites. Packed with useful features like tabbed […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:39:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/get-to-know-your-universe/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/get-to-know-your-universe/This wonderful Kaleidoscope of Colors wasn’t created in a lab, or even on this planet. A Black hole spilled those colors, why and how I don’t know. But if you are interested in space, black-holes big things outside our small world you must consider visiting NASA’s website. You can even register for a personalized home […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:34:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%AA%D8%B3%D9%85-%D8%A3%D9%86%D8%AA-%D9%81%D9%8A-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%AA%D8%B3%D9%85-%D8%A3%D9%86%D8%AA-%D9%81%D9%8A-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86/كل واحد بتقابله بحكيلك انه اله ابن عم واصل بالحكومه كل مصعد كهربائي اله رائحه سامه كل واحد بتشوفه بشتكي معظم البنات شبه بعض معظم البنات بلبسوا زي بعض كل واحد بتشوفو بحكيلك انو ضيع فرصة شراء ارض فى عبدون قبل عشر سنين بخمسين دينار الدونم !! كل واحد بتشوفه بحكيلك انه جده اول واحد […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:34:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/boost-your-firefox/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/boost-your-firefox/If you’ve never used about:config, you’re missing out. Type about:config into your Firefox address bar and hit Enter. One easy configuration change is limiting animated images. Double-click image.animation_mode and change it to none to stop all animated images, or once to let them run through once. You can revert to the default behavior with normal. […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/free-computer-related-ebooks/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/free-computer-related-ebooks/I’m looking to make a huge list of all websites that offer free computer related eBooks, if you have unlisted ones please add as a comment. free-ebooks.net freebyte.com planetpdf.com freecomputerbooks.com onlinecomputerbooks.com intelligentedu.com programmingebooks.tk Free Tech E-books Hope that helped you!!Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:11:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/customized-display-picture-or-avatar/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/customized-display-picture-or-avatar/I’ve been asked by more than 10 people how to make a customized avatar, or a display picture A friend of mine (Meso) told me about this website ImageChef. You can choose the picture you want and type selective text and the picture will come out just like you ordered Try it it’s really fun…. […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AC%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%83%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%8A%D8%A9/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AC%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%83%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%8A%D8%A9/المصطلح المعنى المصدر هلا عقالي هلا حبيبي إربد سنحك ما ابرد وجهك الكرك لويش لماذا إربد لويه لماذا الكرك انتشب اخرس البادية انطز اقعد ساكت السلط اطلع من بين الخبيزة كذبتك انكشفت مخيمات اللاجئين زنون (Xenon) روعة عمّان خاروف معاه مصاري وبعزم الشباب عمّان عتعيت سرسري مخيمات اللاجئين رخيص ببيع صاحبو عشان بنت احدى الجامعات […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%83%D9%88%D9%84%D9%83%D8%B4%D9%86-%D9%86%D9%83%D8%AA/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%83%D9%88%D9%84%D9%83%D8%B4%D9%86-%D9%86%D9%83%D8%AA/سألو واحد شو رايك بالمرأه الشرقيه قال قبل الزواج انثى وبعد الزواج انسى إشي صغير بمشي عالارض ولونه أسود و بيبدأ بحرف الخاء شو هو؟ خوف الله صرصور سألوا طفيلي ليش مالك شنب قال طالع للوالدة هنود عاملين فيلم عن حرب العراق بالآخر الفيلم طلع بوش اخو صدام سبعه طفايلة بمزحو بسكاكين مات اربعه قال […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:03:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/you-know-you-are-living-in-2006-when/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/you-know-you-are-living-in-2006-when/You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:54:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/company-policy/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/company-policy/Effective from January 2007 Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/school-excuses/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/school-excuses/The following are excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by the University of Texas: They were collected from Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Mississippi. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:53:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/is-java-a-pure-object-oriented-language/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/is-java-a-pure-object-oriented-language/Someone asked me if Java was a pure OOL (Object Oriented Language) or not. Without thinking my answer was yes, “thanks to the incompetent university I went to for 4 years”. But I looked it up just to make sure and I found that there are always heated discussions about that subject specifically. for Example […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:52:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-you-have-an-original-microsoft-windows-cd-try-it/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-you-have-an-original-microsoft-windows-cd-try-it/I’ve read in an article that if you put an original windows CD in the microwave for a minute or two and take it out, it’ll be as cold as it was before putting it there. And you’ll be able to read “4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746F2066696E64207468656D2C0D0A4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D” on it. It’s a hex text, try the following java code or any […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/sports-commentator-bloopers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/sports-commentator-bloopers/Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I’m sure they would like to take back: 3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: “The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back.” 4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:51:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/true-telephone-conversations-recorded-from-various-help-desks-around-the-u-k/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/true-telephone-conversations-recorded-from-various-help-desks-around-the-u-k/Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ? Customer: A white one… ==== Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ? Customer: Yes, but it’s really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note … Customer: No … wait a minute… […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:50:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/telemarketer-repellant/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/telemarketer-repellant/If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/internet-explorer-7-vs-firefox-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/internet-explorer-7-vs-firefox-2/The Contenders For years, Microsoft Internet Explorer has enjoyed near dominance of the Web browser space–but not any more. Since the release last year of Mozilla Firefox 1.5, Firefox has been steadily eroding Internet Explorer’s claim of superiority. According to information from NetApplications.com, in October 2004 Internet Explorer had 92 percent of the market; in […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:48:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-mind-game/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-mind-game/Let’s have some fun …. it’s an amazing test. Read carefully and follow the steps and tell me what you find, it’s amazing. At the end of this post, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately. Don’t stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind. This is […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:37:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/mysql-5/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/mysql-5/I can’t come up with a better comment. I mean how can something this good be free??? I still can’t find any reasonable answers. I’ve been using Microsoft SQL Server for so long and when I first thought about changing DBMS I thought it’d be hard to move, especially after downloading and installing the Core […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:36:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%85%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%A7-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/%D9%85%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%8A%D8%A7-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86/أنا وماما زي الصاحبات ، دايماً بحكيلها كل إشي ماما بتعرف عنك كل إشي شغل عرط و بس طبع كلهم شقر وعينيهم‏ ‏لينسيز ملونة يخزي العين تقول هاي رجعتهم من السويد بتسألها بتحكيلك شو لينسيز؟هدول عيوني الحئيئيين…. كلهم ببعتولك المسج التالي: اتصل فيي ما معي رصيد ، و عندي امتحان مش آدره أروح أشتري بطائة… […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:36:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/2006-year-end-zeitgeist/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/2006-year-end-zeitgeist/I was wondering around the web aimlessly – they call that surfing – and I ran into an article talking about how was the past year bad for Google. I didn’t it all, because I saw a weird term “Year-End Zeitgeist”. So I looked it up and the result was somewhat interesting. The Year-End Zeitgeist […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:34:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/microsoft-visual-studio-2005-sp1/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/microsoft-visual-studio-2005-sp1/I just love Microsoft. I tried to download and install Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 SP1. It only took few moments before giving me the “The upgrade patch cannot be installed by the Windows Installer service because the program to be upgraded may be missing, or the upgrade patch may update a different version of the […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:33:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/that-200-windows-xp-service-pack-called-vista/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/that-200-windows-xp-service-pack-called-vista/More than five years after the release of Windows XP, Windows Vista has arrived. The party line out of Redmond is that “Windows Vista is Microsoft’s most secure platform to date,” and you won’t find anyone at Microsoft saying otherwise. But saying it’s Microsoft’s most secure operating system isn’t saying that Windows Vista is the […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-most-important-discoveries/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-most-important-discoveries/Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.Woman discovered hunting, invented furs. Man discovered colors, invented painting.Woman discovered painting, invented make-up. Man discovered speech, invented conversation.Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip. Man discovered agriculture, invented food.Woman discovered food, invented diet. Man discovered friendship, invented love.Woman discovered love, invented marriage. Man discovered woman, invented sex.Woman discovered sex, invented headache. Man […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:32:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-missing-question/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/a-missing-question/If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s a whack? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:31:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/new-definitions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/new-definitions/TRAFFIC LIGHT apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches DIVORCE postgraduate in School of Love PIONEER early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods PEOPLE some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what’s happened SWIMMING POOL a mob of people […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:30:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/thoughts-on-aging/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/thoughts-on-aging/Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two. You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:29:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-first-annual-duh-award/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/the-first-annual-duh-award/Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”– Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:25:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-restaurants-functioned-like-microsoft/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/if-restaurants-functioned-like-microsoft/Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup. Try eating it with […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/corporate-america-at-its-best/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/corporate-america-at-its-best/“My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn’t edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected.” (CIO of Dell Computers) Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”(Marketing executive, Citrix […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/corporate-america-at-its-best-2/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/corporate-america-at-its-best-2/“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.) “What I need is a list of specific unknown problems […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/2-tough-questions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/2-tough-questions/If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the following question before reading the response to this one. It’s time to elect a new world leader, […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:22:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-wouldnt-know-without-movies/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-you-wouldnt-know-without-movies/It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-live-writer/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-live-writer/Again, Microsoft is giving Developers the chance to show off their abilities. Even though it’s not a big field to play in, still they are proving the customizability of their products , especially windows live products. The new “Windows Live Writer” – which I’m now using to send this post – is one of the […]Fri, 05 Oct 2007 15:49:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/doctors-comments-on-patient-charts/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/doctors-comments-on-patient-charts/Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/world-wide-signs/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/world-wide-signs/In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:24:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/true-facts/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/true-facts/John Madden is an accomplished ballroom dancer. In 21 states, Wal-Mart is the single largest employer. Jim Gordon, drummer of Derek and the Dominos (“Layla”), killed his mother with a claw hammer, then went back to finish a set with the band. One of Hewlett Packard’s first ideas was an automatic urinal flusher. Eric Clapton […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:23:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/fourteen-things-that-it-took-me-over-50-years-to-learn-by-dave-barry/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/fourteen-things-that-it-took-me-over-50-years-to-learn-by-dave-barry/Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.” There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:22:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-for-women/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/rules-for-women/We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us griping about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:21:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/jesus-was-a-woman/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/jesus-was-a-woman/There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: He called everyone Brother. He liked Gospel. He couldn’t get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: He went into His Fathers business. He lived at home until he was 33. He was sure his Mother was a […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:20:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/sixth-grade-quotes/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/sixth-grade-quotes/Question: What is one horsepower?Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind. When people run around and […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:19:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-not-to-hear-during-surgery/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/things-not-to-hear-during-surgery/Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that? Hand me that….uh….that uh….thingie. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:19:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/computer-genesis/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/computer-genesis/In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good. And God said – Let the Data be; And so it happened. […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:18:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/mad-ramblings-and-ponderments/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/mad-ramblings-and-ponderments/What’s with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking — “Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I’d better carpet the toilet too.” Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:18:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/pc-jargon/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/pc-jargon/ALPHA Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for “doesn’t work.” BETA Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin for “still doesn’t work.” COMPUTER Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger “Duffy” Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:17:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/lifes-observations/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/lifes-observations/Marriage changes passion; suddenly you’re in bed with a relative. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea.” I have my own little world. But it’s OK, they know me here. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. If flying is so safe, why do […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-good-one/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/some-good-one/Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds the demand. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They both should be changed […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:16:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/very-smart-women/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/very-smart-women/A sample of some really smart women: I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:15:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/attainable-affirmations/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/attainable-affirmations/The boss giving you a rough time? Just try these “attainable affirmations,” and your work week is sure to fly by! As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. I assume […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:14:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-is-not-a-virus-or-is-it/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/windows-is-not-a-virus-or-is-it/No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses do:1. They replicate quickly. … Okay, Windows does that.2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. … Okay, Windows does that.3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. … Okay, Windows does that too.4. Viruses are […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:13:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/job-descriptions/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/job-descriptions/If you’re looking for a job in one of the below fields, this is what you’re real job descriptions are An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. A banker is a fellow who […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:12:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/albert-einstein/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/albert-einstein/Albert Einstein wasn’t just a smart physicist. Looks like he had some smart quotes as well: “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” “The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible.” “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:10:00 GMThttps://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-6-smartass-answers/https://www.computerjy.com/posts/top-6-smartass-answers/SMARTASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. “What are my choices?” John asked. “Yes or no,” she replied. SMARTASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she […]Sun, 30 Sep 2007 08:09:00 GMT