A Little Inspiration

What I have learned as I have matured...

• I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
• I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
• I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
• I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
• I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
• I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
• I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
• I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
• I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.