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Did you ever stop and wonder…

  • Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
  • Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Why toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
  • Why there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • Why you don’t ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  • Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
  • Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • Why you have to click on "Start" to stop ‘Windows’?
  • Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
  • Why there isn’t mouse flavored cat food?
  • Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
  • Why people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why your Obstetrician or Gynecologist leaves the room when you get undressed – if they are going to look up there anyway?
  • Why Goofy stands erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
  • Why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
  • Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
  • Why they call the airport "a terminal" if flying is supposedly so safe?
  • Who the first first person was to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
  • Who the first person was that said, "See that chicken there, I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum?"
  • Why the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, but can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
  • If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
  • What do you call male ballerinas?
  • If blind people can see their dreams? Do they dream??
  • That if Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Why the "Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s on the outside of your ass?
  • Why it is when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • How come we put a man on the moon before realizing it would be a good idea to put wheels on suitcases?
  • Why brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells are forever?
  • How important someone has to be before they can be ‘assassinated’ rather than just plain ‘murdered’?
  • How come "phonetically" is spelt with a "ph"?
  • Why a round pizza gets delivered in a square box?
  • Why people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • When you get to heaven / paradise / nirvana, are you stuck wearing whatever you were buried or cremated in forever?
  • Why people say they "slept like a baby", when babies normally wake up every two hours?
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
  • How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
  • What would the speed of lightning be if it didn’t zigzag?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
  • Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
  • Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
  • Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
  • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  • Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  • How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  • Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
  • Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
  • If you send someone ‘Styrofoam’, how do you pack it?
  • Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
  • What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
  • Why don’t women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
  • Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  • If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
  • If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
  • How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

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