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Things you learn from having kids

  • A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
  • If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  • A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  • If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
  • You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  • The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  • When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it’s already too late.
  • Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
  • A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
  • Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
  • Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
  • Super glue is forever.
  • No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
  • Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
  • VCR’s do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
  • Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  • Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  • You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
  • Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
  • The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  • It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  • Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  • 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
  • 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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