June 20, 2011

Rules Of The Internet

Ever been roaming around on the web and stumbled upon Rule #34 or any other rule? Will... There they are:

λ. It'll be done when it'll be done. No exceptions.

-1. /b/ is not your friend. No exceptions.

0. Negative numbers are a lie. No exceptions.

0.1. /b/ is pointless, you are wasting your life. /b/ will not do anything to stop me from posting this.

0.5. ATTENTION DUELLISTS! My mullet is going to give you such a spanking.

0.92. The lazah fired onto another lazah causing ultimate destruction and it resulted in the creation of an exact copy of this page called Rules of the internet 2.

0.93. The explosion from the ultimate destruction also brought back The original Rules of the internet.

0.94. We didn't received enough donation money to buy back the rules, so we used the money we had to create the Rules of the internet 3

0.95. Then after the Rules of the internet 3 was created we had enough left over money to buy one pineapple, but just one.

0.96. 1f u c4n r34d d1s u r3477y h4v3 n0 71f3

0.97. Because rule 0.98 called Chuck Norris, it is now dead.

0.98. This rule doesn't like you and has called Chuck Norris.

0.99. Nothing is immune to the Lazah not even the Rules of the lazah.

0.9999. When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

0.99995. When Life gives you limes, make Orange Juice and make Life go all like WTF MANG!

0.99996. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! NO EXCEPTIONS!

0.99999999999999999999999. AnimeFuckHead can make whatever he wants, want a bottle of unicorn tricycle joucie?

1. Do not talk about /b/.

2. Do NOT talk about /b/.

2 1/2. If anyone asks about /b/ you don't know anything.

3. We are Anonymous.

3.14159265358979323846. ... Expect us.

4. Anonymous is legion.

5. Anonymous does not forgive, Anonymous does not forget.

6. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.

7. Anonymous is still able to deliver.

8. There are no real rules about posting.

9. There are no real rules about moderation either — enjoy your ban.

10. If you enjoy any rival sites — DON'T.

11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored.

12. Anything you say can and will be used against you.

13. Anything you say can be turned into something else. - fixed

14. Do not argue with trolls — it means that they win.

15. The harder you try, the harder you will fail.

16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure.

17. Every win fails eventually.

18. Everything that can be labeled, can be hated.

19. The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.

20. Nothing is to be taken seriously.

20.20 Rainbow Dash is about 20% cooler than you.

21. Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old.

22. Copy 'n paste is made to ruin every last bit of originality.

23. Copy 'n paste is made to ruin every last bit of originality.

24. Every repost is always a repost of a repost.

25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post.

26. Any topic can be turned into something totally unrelated.

27. Always question a person's sexual preferences without any real reason.

28. Always question a person's gender - just in case it's really a man.

28.5 If it TRULY is a girl, then this is an INCEPTION!!! Only way out is to die, so look at Chuck Norris the wrong way.

29. On the internet, all girls are men, and all kids are undercover FBI agents.

30. There are NO girls on the internet.

30.5 Vagina's are penis's in a girl's body. No Exceptions.

31. TITS or GTFO - the choice is yours.

32. You must have pictures to prove your statements.

32.5 All your pictures were obviously photoshopped. No Exceptions.

32.6 I can tell from some of the pixels and from having seen a lot of shops in my day. /oldfag

33. When in doubt, it's a man. (Also see Rule 30)

33.5 Lurk moar — it's never enough.

34. There is porn of it, no exceptions.

34.5. There is dubstep of it, no exceptions.

34.99. There is a mario paint composer version of it.

35. If no porn is found of it, it will be made.

35.5. If no dubstep is found of it, it will be made.

35.99. If no mario paint composer version is found of it, it will be made.

35.51. If nobody makes it, /b/ will.

36. There will always be more fucked up shit than what you just saw. NO FUCKING EXCEPTIONS.

37. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so).

37.5. Dividing by zero is equal to multiplying by infinite.

38. No real limits of any kind apply here — not even the sky

39. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.

40. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER.

41. Needs moar Desu nyan. No exceptions.

42. Is the answer to life the universe and everything. NO EXCEPTIONS.

42.5. Nothing is Sacred.

43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.

44. Trying to edit the rules of the Internet with Japanese characters is like trying to make “2 girls, 1 cup” acceptable in society. It only works at A-con.

45. When one sees a lion, one must get into the car

46. There is furry porn of it. No exceptions.

47. The pool is always closed due to AIDS (and stingrays, which also have AIDS).

47.5. YOU DUN GOOF'D!

47.6. THE CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

48. A cat is fine too. (See rule 41)

49. One cat leads to another.

50. Another cat leads to Zippo Cat.

51. No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. No exceptions.

52. It is delicious cake. You must eat it.

53. It is delicious trap. You must hit it.

53.5. The trap broke the lazah.

54. /b/ sucks today.

54.5. So does America.

54.6. AFH gets sucked every day!

55. If you have time to make up new rules, you have no life.

55.1. If you have no life, you do not exist. Therefore, your rule does not exist if you do not exist. No exceptions.

55.2. The rules were created by people who do not exist, so the rules do not exist. No Exceptions.

55.3. Although the rules do not exist, logic exists. The rules = logic. Therefore the rules do exist. No Exceptions.

55.31. Since the rules exist by logic, then the rules have always existed. No Exceptions.

55.32 So the creation of your rule is only a repost of science. (See rule 24)

55.5. If Rule 55 applies to you, then /b/ welcomes you.

56. They will not bring back Snacks.

57. You will never have sex.

57.5. I just had sex and it felt so good. (See rule 82)

58. Desu isn't funny. Seriously guys. It's worse than Chuck Norris jokes

59. Fuck Gaston.

60. Chuck Norris is the exception to Rule #63, no exceptions or else.

61. If you post a picture of a cat on the internet, people will make it a LOLcat. Not one fucking exception.

62. It has been cracked and pirated. No exceptions.

63. There is always porn of a female version of a male. No Exceptions.

64. Don't copy that floppy

65. Anonymous is not your personal army.

66. The cake is a lie.

66.5. Unless you are GLaDOS.

66.6. maybe GLaDOS is a lie, you'll never know

66.6. even if GLaDOS is a lie AFH is still truth. refer to rule 334.2.

67. Anonymous does not "buy", he downloads.

68. Milhouse will never be a meme. Ever. No matter what your post ends with. No exceptions. Ever. No.

69. LOL SIXTY NINE AMIRITE?

69.5. If your question ends with "AMIRITE?", the answer will never be yes.

70. Do not talk about the 100M GET failure.

71. The internet is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

72. Darth Vader is your father. No exceptions.

73. If there isn't enough just ask for Moar.

74. If you post it, they will cum.

75. Rule 75 is a lie. OH SHI-

76. Twinkies are the answers to life's problems.

77. The internet makes you stupid.

78. It will always need moar sauce.

79. Ceilingcat IS watching you masturbate

80. Interwebz177 did it. No exceptions.

81. Anonymous is a virgin by default.

82. Nobody tells the truth on the Internet

83. Only clusterfucks start Edit Wars!

83.5. Only fusterclucks edit Star Wars.

83.6. AFH is already a clusterfuck and fustercluck, so it doesn't even matter. no exceptions.

83.6. Han shot first

84. All rules ARE true, including this one.

85. Retarded rules are forbidden.

86. The term "sage" does not refer to the spice.

87. If you get pepperoni ever again, I swear I'll blow this joint sky-high!

87.5. Sorry, all I got were shrooms, but we can still get high right?

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88. Anonymous rules the internet. No exceptions.

89. Bruce Lee was a hero to us all.

90. It's never lupus.

91. There is gay porn of it, no exceptions.

92. Chuck Norris is the exception to rule 91. No exceptions.

93. Go Fuck Yourself.

94. Fagicorn deleted rule 93. Crap to him. Then it came back. Now it's gone. Then Rule 93 said, what it says + rule 2029. And so it's back again.

95. Anonymous did NOT, under any circumstances, tk him 2da bar|?

96. If you express astonishment at someone's claim, it is most likely just a clever ruse.

97. The government, The CIA, Everything is a lie.

98. Turbo broke this rule by getting Captain Spruce (a girl) to respond to a request for rule 32 to be enforced, thereby changing the universe forever and revealing that at least one girl does exist somewhere on the Internet. However, this subject is still wrapped up in heavy debate and widely disputed by scientists in The CIA and the government (see rule 97). Regardless, turbo won, thereby negating ganzgoober's ability to always win. No exceptions.

99. All numbers are at least 100 but always OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND.

100. Faggotry will not be tolerated.

101. You are never THE BEST at anything, deal with it.

102. You are made of fail and AIDS.

103. That's no such thing as safe sex

104. The internet is for porn.

105. Rule 71 is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

106. Rule 109 is true.

107. "That's what she said" jokes are stupid. No Exceptions

108. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!

109. Rule 106 is false.

109.5 Rules that make your head hurt are retarded NO EXEPTIONS

110. If your statement is preceded by "HAY GUYZ", then you're doing something wrong.

111. If you cannot understand it, it is machine code.

1234567890. Hi I'm stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

112. What you click isn't always what you get.

113. Gamestop does NOT have Battletoads (or N64 games). But ask anyway.

114. Secure tripcodes are for fags.

115. If someone herd u liek Mudkipz, deny it constantly for the lulz.

115.5. I herd you liek Mudkipz. No exceptions.

116. Combo breakers are inevitable. If the combo is completed successfully, it is gay.

117. Always go out of your way to make newbies feel uncomfortable.

118. Newfags must be tortured to death. No exceptions.

119. Only newfags like caturday, Bruce Lee, and Desu. Those who like any of those refer to rule 93.

120. Nobody likes you.

121. Co$ is the sworn enemy of Anonymous. It must be stopped.

121.5. Bunnies14 is the sworn enemy of AFHfuckface. It can't be stopped.

122. There is NO God (Except Chuck Norris and AFH).

122.5. There is NO God (Except Chuck Norris and Haruhi Suzumiya)

123. 456789

124. When Anonymous is surprised, bricks must be shat.

125. If you have no bricks to shit, you are made of fail and AIDS.

126. shaMTV must give Rick his award. No exceptions.

127. No NewFaggots aloud.

128. Everything you know is a lie, but all those lies are nothing. So by using the transitive property we can conclude that everything = nothing and if you add an integer (x) into the equation we can single anything out and turn it into a certain amount of nothing explained by this graph e = everything n = nothing

  |
  |
  |
  |                             _
  |                            / \
  |                      _____/   \
  |                     /          \
e |                    /            \
  |             ______/              \
  |            /                      \
  |           /                        \
  |   _______/                          \
  |  /                                   \
  | /                                     \
  |/                                       \
  |_________________________________________\______________________

                         n

As you can see, at a certain point of everything, nothing cannot exist. So in conclusion, I have no idea what I'm talking about.

129. BOTS will be dismantled.

130. Internet = Very Scary

131. Whatever it is, pie is involved in some form. No exceptions.

132. If it can't be killed, it doesn't exist. (Except Chuck Norris And AFH) No other exceptions.

133. If you met your girlfriend/boyfriend online then you are dating a one armed lady hooker named Steve.(Unless there is webcam involved, then his name is John.)

133.5. If you edit rule 133 AFHfuckface will tentacle rape you. no exceptions.

133.141592654. AFHfuckface owns all chainsaws, for a list of rules go here. [3]

134. If it talks, you must shut it up.

135. Myspace is for thirteen year old girls and people who fit the description of Rule # 133.

136. _uck _ou_self solve it.

137. Tuck yourself in. Is the answer.

138. Rule 139 does/will not exist.

139. Rule 138 is true.

140. XKCD can explain everything. explain it or it goes.

141. Godmodding is retarded. Seriously just accept your death.

142. Just ignore him he will think you're afk.

143. If you ignore her, she will bitch.

144. People can't understand sarcasm.

145. If you take it seriously gtfo.

146. Stop giving the mic a blowjob.

147. Regardless, if you get pissed on teamspeak there is someone that has muted themselves just so they can laugh at you.

148. You don't get any cookies. No exceptions. So don't even ask.

149. Brandon is God's son, making him Jesus. Chuck Norris has no son.

150. You are not going to get a handicap so don't even ask. They will just target you.

151. You will not get a free Xbox 360/Playstation 3/iPhone so don't even get your hopes up.

152. They didn't call you retarded but they were thinking it.

153. It's funny to pick on people's grammar no matter how good it is. No exceptions.

154. The louder you scream at people the harder someone else will laugh.

154.5. In addition, my dick gets harder too

155. They don't have hacks, you just suck really bad.

156. If you want to know who anonymous is then GTFO!

157. Someone already did it better. No exceptions.

158. It was in an episode of South Park. No exceptions.

159. The more you deny something the more they are going to say that you are "something".

160. Google ftw. No exceptions.

160.5. Lmgtfy ftw. No exceptions.

161. The guy next to you in the library is always looking at what you are saying.

162. The girl next to you in the library couldn't give a shit.

163. There's a reason- you know what? Fuck it. If you can't figure it out, you seriously need to LURK MOAR.

164. Refer to step 2 on Rule #165.

165. Refer to step 3 on Rule #93.

166. People who get depressed on the internet need a better use of time.

167. Twinkies are the answers to life's problems. No exceptions.

168. If you pretend that you are drunk people will just think you're retarded because no one can act drunk on the internet.

169?. Nah I'll have 2 69s.

170. None of us is as cruel as all of us.

171. At any given moment, more birds could join, leave, or peel off in another direction entirely.

172. Use inside jokes moar. It upsets users.

173. STFU! Before i go chris brown on you!

174. Only 4chan'rs unsuspecting victims hate Rick Astley.

175. The talk page is for spam. Don't go there.

176. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks children with the last name of Edgerton.

177. Tropicana tastes like the rainbow. No exceptions.

177.2. The rainbow is made out of skittles

177.5. Too bad nyan cat shit the rainbow.

        .,__,.........,__,....... ______
        `·.,¸,.·*¯`·.,¸,.·*¯..|::::::/\:_|/\
        `·.,¸,.·*¯`·.,¸,.·*¯<|::::::( o   o)
       ....--"""''''''u'''u

177.7. NYAN CAT SHITS SHITTLES

178. Shadow sticks are fun to play with in the dark. Unless there are more than 3.

179. Refer to all unwritten rules. No exceptions.

401. This rule forgot its spot.

180. For every life the internet improves it destroys 10 others.

181. Anything that's good is a virus.

182. We better start helping the earth, otherwise Al Gore will take back the internets!!! NO MORE BROADBAND! NO DIALUP!

182.696969 Broadband and Dialup is the worst possible this in the universe that can happen to you. Only one exception, you piss off Chuck Norris.

183. If i have 3 cakes and you have one cake, only here you have no cake and I have 3 ps3's.

184. The only potty training videos allowed are ones that feature tigers and are japanese in nature (english subtitles are acceptable)

185. The Internet and Golf are quite similar they both were invented for men to get away from woman, except the internet has porn.

186. Newfags must be shot in the balls on site. No exceptions

187. No matter how hard you try, you will never be as cool as ninjas playing guitars.

188. If none of these rules are followed/obliged to then Bruce Lee will donkey punch you to Uranus.

189. Bukkake is not cool. Never was. Never will be. EVER!!

189.5. This has been proven false

190. The only good hentai is yuri, that's how the internet works.

191. You will always forget to add an attachment to your e-mails.

192. If you break rule 1 and 2. You will be rickroll'd in hell.

193. If you break rule 188. You will be spanked by Barack Obama.

194. If you break rule 2, Barack Obama will tickle your pubes.

195. People called Fred are just Fail. No Exceptions.

196. People named Carter are just win. No Exceptions.

197. People named Matty are just sexy. No Exceptions.

197.2. People named AFH are not mentally disturbed. No and I mean no exceptions.

197.5. If his Initials are AFH, he is god of teh internetz. No and I mean no Exceptions.

198. If it's not on Google, It does not exist. No Exceptions.

199. If it's not on Google, then you're searching with the wrong criteria, no exceptions

200. Pictures or it didn't happen.

201. Maths in failing:

Win + Fail = Epicfail Fail + Fail = Win Win + Win = Fail Epicfail + Epicfail = Chuck Norris

202. Facebook is a bunch of fags. No exceptions.

203. If you run out of cookies, give apples, If you run out of apples, Give Spam. No exceptions.

204. NEVER EVER shoot anybody in the balls. No exceptions.

205. All Americans are fat. No exceptions.

206. Any breaking of pi will result in pi being broken. No one knows the consequences. You have been warned.

207. Rules 1 and 2 are false. From now on, all rules must be about /b/. Unless they aren't.

208. Rules 1, 2 and 206 are true.

209. See rule 208.

210. See rule 209.

211. srt8 must not marry MITB. No exceptions.

212. 4chan is funny. No exceptions.

213. Your mother is behind you. No exceptions unless she isn't.

214. In case of an emergency, your emergency exit can be found in the top right corner of your screen. No, and i promise you, NO exceptions.

214.1. Except on a Mac. It's on the left.

214.2. Press Alt+F4 for an epic thing to happen.

214.3. Except on a Mac, Press Command+Q for an epic thing to happen.

215. Rule 213 is false. Do not press that button.

215.5. Rule 215 is false. Click that button or you shall die.

216. 3, is the magic number.... 3, is the magic number.... NO EXCEPTIONS!

216.1. 42

216.2. 3 is the short version of π (Also see rule 328)

216.3. Fibonacci.

217. Creator of /b/ is mentally Disturbed. No exceptions.

217.5. /b/ will only be referred to as /b/ outside of /b/. Please refer to rules 1 and 2. No exceptions.

218. Layne is the only exception to rule 234-a. NO EXCEPTIONS

219. Google is not a calculator

220. Longcat is LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. No exceptions.

221. RETARDED NEWFAGS, should always be shot without warning NO EXCEPTIONS!

222. The game ended, wait a while before we start the next wave.

222.1. V3A3X can't loose the game. NO MATTER WHAT!

223. Only faggots add rules that don't go along with rule 93 no exceptions.

224. All rules below the second "PROFIT!" don't count. No Exceptions.

224.5. All rules below the third "PROFIT!" count. No Exceptions.

225. The Simpsons already did it. South Park already did it better. NO EXCEPTIONS

226. If a statement may be taken sexually in any way, then she already said it. No exceptions.

227. Creed is the worst band in the world. No exceptions

227.5. None of these rules apply to this wiki. No exceptions.

227.6. Except the ones about newfags editing the rules

228. AFHfuckface rules the internet, he also has an army of sex slaves whom he rapes every saturday night. To explain this it'll be shown in this graph where S = The amount of slaves he has and R = The number of slaves he has raped.

   _______________________________________________________________
  |                     /
  |                    /
  |                 /\/
  |                /
  |               /
  |              /
  |             /
  |            /
  |           /
  |          /
S |         /
  |      /\/
  |     /
  |    /
  |   /
  |  /
  | /
  |/
  |________________________________________________________________

                         R

If your wondering why it goes down in the middle of the graph it's because he kicked a slave out.

229. You never see the porn first, even if you made or drew it. No exceptions.

230. Hentai is you friend. No exceptions. NO EXCEPTIONS.

230.5. Except Yaoi... ESPECIALLY NOT YAOI! YAOI IS YOU WORST NIGHTMARE!. NO OTHER EXCEPTIONS

230.6. go watch boko no pico.. faggot

231. The number of friends you have on Facebook does not indicate the number of friends you have in real life. No exceptions.

232. You cannot control the person in charge. No exceptions.

233. The person in charge only wants to make your life miserable. No exceptions.

233.5. AFHfuckface is the person in charge... FUCKFACE!!!

234. Rule 186 is the only exception to rule 204

234.5. AFHfuckface always wins, Even when he fails, he wins. NO EXCEPTIONS.

234.6. If any one that is of the female verity says They always win to him, they must date him. NO EXCEPTION

235. PROFIT!₁

237. P30P13 WH0 U53 1337 5P34K 4R3 N07 1337.

238. Every night when you are sleeping, Interwebz177 gives you pills that give you a boner then he sucks you dry.

239. That naked picture you took while drunk has never been removed from the internet, and will remain on a 50yr old man's hard drive for as long as he lives.

240. Rule 205 is false, Germans are the fattest.

241. Everything fun on the internet is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

242. This is the internet, honesty is not an option. NO EXCEPTIONS!

243. Everybody lies on the Internet. Rule 242 is a lie too. No exceptions.

244. Fluttershy is always cute no matter what the context is. I mean...er...if that is okay with you... (Old rule 244 repealed by The Council moved to 287)

250. Additional Pylons are required. Always.

251. Living in New Jersey is not wrong. Being proud of it is.

252. Anything goes with Numa Numa. ANYTHING.

253. Licking a cat does not mean you licked a vagina. No exceptions

254. Autocorrect is always correct. No Exceptions

255. Anonymous is an Internet Hate Machine. Wikipedia said so.

255.5. Wikipedia is never wrong. Your teachers were.

256. Anything with a sparta remix is automatically awesome. NO EXCEPTIONS! LOL 256 AMIRITE

269. Yeah, finally...2 69's!

270. This is blasphemy, this is madness. No exceptions

271. 270 is a lie. This is sparta. No exceptions.

272. This is the end of the world, no exceptions.

276. The lazah also destroyed rule 305.

277. Newfags will rape you so hard that Micheal Jackson will feel it in hell. No exceptions.

282. the rules on 313 were watching the lazah as well, and have wandered off blinded refer to rule 313 for more details.

283. Rule 278, 279, 280, and 281 tried to defeat the lazah, but got dazed with radiation and now can only see Ninja Unicorns, no exceptions.

284. What has been seen cannot be unseen. Even the post clearance that's coming up.

285. Jaba is a fish. No exeptions.

286. Creepers must do the creeper at all times or they will blow up. No exeptions.

287. (Formerly 244) Nothing will ever, in the history of the world, damage music more than Rebecca Black did.

288. Cookies are delicious, but don't accept cookies from hackers.

300. THIS IS SPARTAAAA! no exceptions.

301. Gordon Freeman saved the world. Obey him as your savior.

302. The butler did it. no exceptions.

303. If for some reason it appears the butler did not do it, refer to rule 302.

304. Rule 302 is always correct.

305. Everybody hates Justin Bieber. no exceptions

314. The day that pi finally ends is the day that the world will end. No exceptions.

315. Internet Rapists are out to get you. No Exceptions.

316. Your parents know where you keep your porn, keeping it on a flash drive doesn't help. no exceptions

317. Anonymous is not sorry.

318. Standing safely behind Rule 319.

320. If your wondering where Rule 319 went, The Lazar (274) sent off too much radiation and it landed right above me. No exceptions.

321. Rule 183 is a lie; The cake is also true.

322. Rule 321 is a lie; The cake is a pie.

323. Rule 322 is true, although Chuck Norris already ate the cake.

323.1. Rule 323 is not true when Rule 322 applies.

323.2. Refer to rule 84.

325. If you download but don't seed, Bruce Lee will rip your scrotum off. Ne exceptions.

326. There IS a torrent for it... you just aren't looking hard enough... Unless there isn't. No exceptions.

327. Kill it with fire!

328. There is an exception to all exceptions. No exceptions.

329. I killed your mother.

330. Just kidding, I did fuck her though

330.5. LOL did i mention she likes oral?

331. G.I.R.L = Guy In Real Life... No exceptions.

333. Lazah killed rule 332.

333.5. A lazah couldn't kill rule 332, please refer to rule 93 for more details.

334. Your SPOON WILL ALWAYS BE TOO BIG.

334.1. The Truth is ...there is no Spoon.

334.2. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!1!

335. Dungeons and Dragons is serious bloody business, NO EXCEPTIONS, no exceptions.

335.5. Chuck Norris doesn't play Dungeons and Dragons, he lives it.

335.69. Hentai is serious bloody business, NO EXCEPTIONS, no exceptions.

336. There is not enough facepalms for this, introduced; The Facedesk. NO Exceptions.

337. Girls Can't Drive....Even on Video Games No Exceptions.

338. Big Brother is Always Watching You 0_o, including weegee and anonymous. no exceptions.

339. Except when he's not.

340. Admins always suck more then Mods. No Exceptions.

340.5. Mods can't spell. Admins can't use grammar. Anon rules.

341. Lobbywhores always get banned for Stupidity.

342. Two's company, three's a crowd.

343. Anonymous will update the rules every sunday night, no exceptions.

344. Anonymous keeps a copy of the unedited rules on his hard drive, along with all of your porn.

345. Perl will NEVER be the best language, no exceptions

346. Attempting to post anything on the internet which defines the rules of the internet will result in an UserIsAnNoobException.

347. Some rules just dont make sense... follow them anyways. No exceptions.

348. You and me could write a rad bromance.

349. What's on the internet stays on the internet, No exceptions.

350. Don't be fooled, it was the Loch Ness monster.

351. Any instance of randomness purely for the sake of humor was only funny the first time it was used in any given moment. No exceptions.

352. If you feel strongly about it, no one cares.

353. No matter how many people hate Call of Duty, the next one will always outsell Battlefield.

360. If you prefer one gaming console over another, fanboys will attack you. No exceptions.

361. If everyone loves it, someone hates it.

362. If the Youtube video sparks debate, the commenter is never a marine/pilot/veteran/victim/multi-millionaire/relative of the uploader/relative of anyone in the video.

369. More than 2 69s is unacceptable. No exceptions.

376. catch (IOException e) {System.out.print("YOU SUCK");}

377. Newfags can't use Java.

380.
Tactical nuke, incoming!!!

 

400. Whatcha talkin bout Willis!?

402. Oyu vaeh dlesaxai.

403. Sub Rules are forbidden.

404. This rule was not found.

404.5. Rule 404 was found again. Surrender all your cookies.

405. Rule 404 WAS found, but then was lost.

406. Namefags are fags, no exceptions.

407. The trolls will NEVER be gone. No exceptions.

408. Today is Friday. There are 6 exceptions.

409. Today is Caturday. There are no exceptions.

410. Never correct a bro who is trying to help you. No exceptions.

411. Soo... whatcha doin?

413. The world will end by Meteor Storm.

416. I CAN GET NO... SATISFACTION!

417. This rule could not live up to it's expectations.

419. Got a minute?

420. me smokum peace pipe

421. ERROR 232

422. Tau is twice as badass as Pi

423. Snitches are entitled to stitches.

424. You've never heard them. Trust me!

425. Awesome face will always be awesome. no exceptions

426. F*ck yo couch!

427. Do it for the lulz.

428. Is it can be hugs tiem now plees?

429. If the sequel was not planned when the original movie was made, it will be worse than the original. No exceptions.

429.5. If the first movie sucked, the sequel sucks worse. No exceptions.

430. This is what your text will look like. Neat, huh?

440. This number belongs to the world champion of magic the gathering 724 333 6302

441. The internetz is powered by pineapples¡!¡!

442. Nyan cat rocks. No exceptions.

443. rules that end with no exceptions are just conforming to the norm and have no real imagination and shlould gtfo this site. no exeptions

500. UNHANDLED EXCEPTION:- Cannot retrieve rule 500.

537. If you see a High School Musical remake of Twilight with Rebbecca Black and Justin Bieber, it is officially the end of the world. GO JUMP OFF YOU FUCKING WINDOW RIGHT NOW OR YOU SHALL CORRUPT SOCIETY FOR ALL ETERNITY BECAUSE RULE 34 WILL NO LONGER EXIST. NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!

540. Anon44 is a giant pervert.

590. Anyone who announces they like Justin Beiber WILL BE SHUNNED (And probably abused)! NO EXCEPTIONS!

e621. This number must always be preceded by the letter e.

621. This is the real Rule 621, no exceptions.

666. Idle hands are Anonymous' playthings. No exceptions.

696. Anonymous is ALWAYS watching you. Even when you Masturbate ...ESPECIALLY when you Masturbate. No Exceptions.

777. Its obviously Chuck Norris. No Exceptions.

867. Jenny is not home, she will never be home. No Exceptions.

868. Thats because shes at my house.

869. Making a Chuck Norris joke instantly turns you into a newfag. No exceptions.

870. Copy 'n paste is made to ruin every last bit of originality.

871. Every repost is a repost of a repost

894. Saying AFHfuckface is not funny is like saying your mom is not fat. People won't argue with you, but everyone knows you are lieing/dumbfuck

911. 9/11 was always never always never MAYBE an inside job.

999. ˙suoıʇdǝɔxǝ ou ˙ןıɐɟ noʎ 'sıɥʇ puɐʇsɹǝpun ʇ,uop ןןıʇs noʎ ʇǝʎ pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ dıןɟ oʇ ǝɯıʇ ǝɥʇ ʞooʇ noʎ ɟı

1000. ıɟ ʎon ɹǝɐp ʇɥǝ ɹnlǝ qǝloʍ' ʇɥǝu ʎon ɹǝɐp ʇɥıs ouǝ ɐup uoʇıɔǝp ıʇ ʍɐs ndsıpǝpoʍu ɐup qɐɔʞʍɐɹps' so ʇɥǝu ʎon ƃɹɐqqǝp ɐ ɯıɹɹoɹ ɐup ʍǝuʇ ʇɥɹonƃɥ ɐll ʇɥıs ʇɹonqlǝ ɾnsʇ ʇo ɹǝɐp ʇɥıs ʇǝxʇ' ʇɥǝu ʎon ɥɐʌǝ uo lıɟǝ˙

1001. There are too many fucking rules 1000.0005.

          TTTTTT
            TT
            TT
            TT
            TT
           H  H
           H  H
           HHHH
           H  H
           H  H
           IIII
            II
            II
            II
           IIII
            SSS
           S
            SSS
               S
           SSSS

 

 

           RRRR
           R   R
           RRRR
           R R
           R  RR
           U   U
           U   U
           U   U
           U   U
            UUU
           L
           L
           L
           L
           LLLL
           EEEE
           E
           EEE
           E
           EEEE

 

 

           TTTTTT
             TT
             TT
             TT
             TT
             AA
            A  A
            AAAA
            A  A
            A  A
            K  K
            K K
            KK
            K K
            K  K
            EEEE
            E
            EEE
            E
            EEEE
             SSS
            S
             SSS
                S
            SSSS

 

 

            U   U
            U   U
            U   U
            U   U
             UUU
            PPPP
            P   P
            PPPP
            P
            P

 

 

             AA
            A  A
            AAAA
            A  A
            A  A
            L
            L
            L
            L
            LLLL
             OOO
            O   O
            O   O
            O   O
             OOO
           TTTTTT
             TT
             TT
             TT
             TT

 

 

             OOO
            O   O
            O   O
            O   O
             OOO
            FFFF
            F
            FFF
            F
            F

 

 

             SSS
            S
             SSS
                S
            SSSS
            PPPP
            P   P
            PPPP
            P
            P
             AA
            A  A
            AAAA
            A  A
            A  A
             CCC
            C
            C
            C
             CCC
            EEEE
            E
            EEE
            E
            EEEE

 

1000.00063. You like Minecraft. If you don't, you will once you actually play it.

1000.00064. Until you actually play it. Then you realise that your even more of a fag than someone with the name Chris.

1000.00065. Any variation of the name Chris, including Christopher, Christian, Kris, Keris, or Faggot.

1000.00069. People with the name Bob are gay too.

1001. Amount of uses for duct tape for now. moar are being discovered!

˙1006 Your scouter is upside down. No exceptions. (See Rule 9001.)

1337. The last thing this should be is a rule. You failed by looking at this, newfag.

1338. This person tried to be 1337, but he failed epicly.

1775. This rule is the same as the date the US Deceleration of Independence was singed, no exceptions.

1913. Any person who refers to oneself as a Terror must be punched . . . repeatedly

2000. Y2K happened. One nuclear device failed. The only man to become a victim of radiation and mutation was turned into a hermaphrodite and named "Lady Gaga".

2001. Oh My God... ★ It's full of stars!

2012. Science doesn’t exist, God doesn’t exist, only Chuck Norris exists.

2013. Rule 2012 is a lie. So are the Mayans.

2014. Science just proved that the Mayans couldn't find a bigger rock.

2020. Marble Hornets, Tribe Twelve, EverymanHYBRID, AMPProductionsStudio, TJAProjects, and all other youtube series about Creepy Pasta are real. Probably. No Exceptions.

2029. I'll be back.

2552. Remember Reach, no exceptions.

9000. You must be mathematically greater than 9000 to be over 9000.

9001. It's over 9000!!! No exceptions.

9002. It's still over 9000, and always will be!

9004. If you're wondering where 9003 went, refer to rule 405, but think of "rule 9003" instead of "rule 404".

8454930048. There is a secret about this misplaced rule. No exceptions.

9999. Jim did it! no exceptions.

9999.1. If Jim did it, it was actually Laurenz! No exceptions.

43645. That's Numberwang. No exceptions.

324468. Texting this rule number spells faggot. Only ABC is exempt.

324468. Only faggots text in ABC.

3756548. Your life depends on this.

3756550. You're floccinaucinihilipilification.

3799999. Rule #3756550 was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

3800000. Rule #3799999 contracted pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

3800001. I have Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.

4000000. All rules with long words are Honorificabilitudinitatibus.

528491. Don't miss the kick. Going deeper may trap you in limbo forever. You have been warned.

6666666. All infractions are excused, NO EXCEPTIONS

8675309. Jenny will not return your calls, nor will any other girl. No exceptions.

241543903. It's so... cold.

241543904. All rules after this line either use letters or special characters as rule numbers, or a single digit. no exceptions.

9999999999. numbers are annoying. no exceptions

Source

June 15, 2011

Universal Laws

  • Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
  • Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  • Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  • Law of Random Numbers – I f you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
  • Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..
  • Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
  • Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  • Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
  • Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
  • Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  • Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. . The aisle people also are very surly folk.
  • The Coffee Law – A s soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  • Murphy’s Law of Lockers – I f there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  • Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
  • Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
  • Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
  • Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  • Wilson ‘s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
  • Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

via

June 6, 2011

Quotes from Steve Jobs

Some of Steve Jobs funny quotes

  • A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets.
  • Apple's market share is bigger than BMW's or Mercedes's or Porsche's in the automotive market. What's wrong with being BMW or Mercedes?
  • Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.
  • Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.
  • I think we're having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we're always trying to do better.
  • I want to put a ding in the universe.
  • Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.
  • It is piracy, not overt online music stores, which is our main competitor.
  • It took us three years to build the NeXT computer. If we'd given customers what they said they wanted, we'd have built a computer they'd have been happy with a year after we spoke to them - not something they'd want now.
  • Pretty much, Apple and Dell are the only ones in this industry making money. They make it by being Wal-Mart. We make it by innovation.
  • Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.
  • The people who are doing the work are the moving force behind the Macintosh. My job is to create a space for them, to clear out the rest of the organization and keep it at bay.
  • To turn really interesting ideas and fledgling technologies into a company that can continue to innovate for years, it requires a lot of disciplines.
  • You can't just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they'll want something new.