Monthly Archives: April 2012

Things to teach your children

Things to teach your children

  • Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
  • There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one.
  • The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king. Fetch him beers.
  • In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
  • Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
  • Request the late checkout.
  • When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
  • Do not get married before you can legally drink.
  • Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
  • Do not fill up on bread.
  • When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.
  • Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
  • If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
  • Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
  • You marry the girl, you marry her whole family.
  • Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath.
  • Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
  • Never be afraid to ask out the best-looking girl in the room.
  • Always do sober what you said you would do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
  • Do not show off. Impress.