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Confusion says:

  • Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
  • Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
  • One who run in front of car get tired. One who run behind car get exhausted.
  • Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
  • Foolish Man give wife grand piano, wise Man give wife upright organ.
  • Man who walk thru airport turn stile sideways going to Bangkok.
  • A One with one chop stick go hungry.
  • One who scratches ass should not bite finger nails.
  • One who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  • Baseball is wrong, Man with four balls cannot walk.
  • Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
  • War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.
  • Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
  • Man who fight with wife all day get no peace at night.
  • It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
  • One who drive like hell bound to get there.
  • One who stand on toilet is high on pot.
  • One who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
  • One who farts in church sits in own pew.
  • Naked one who lie in wheat field in risk of being reaped.
  • One who cooks carrots and pees in same pot not sanitary.
  • Man who loses key to mistresses apartment get no noo-kie.
  • Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.
  • Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
  • Man with two watches not know what time it is.
  • Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.
  • Horse who can’t talk maybe just can’t spell.
  • Never argue with a fool…he may be doing the same thing.
  • Huge land mammal who doesn’t matter is irrelephant.
  • Pregnant mare often guilty of horsing around.
  • Anyone who actually wants to be President is mentally unfit to hold the office.
  • he who lives in stone house should not throw glasses.
  • he who sneeze without tissue, take matter into own hands.
  • never play leap frog with a unicorn.
  • Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  • Those that know don’t have to show…Those that don’t know are a side-show.
  • Men have more hair on chest than woman but women have more on the whole.
  • When words fail, a boot to the ass may be sufficient…
  • feminist who fly upside down… have crack up
  • Feminism……..Braless women trying to play hymns without an organ.
  • A Penis is the only thing that a woman hopes she will find hard to handle.
  • A relationship is the opportunity to do something you hate with someone you love.
  • The inventor of shag carpet made a big pile.
  • Some Sex Is Good…More Is Better…Too Much Is Just About Right
  • A Tattoo is permanent proof of temporary insanity.
  • The Opera is the only place where a guy gets stabbed and instead of bleeding, he sings.
  • A Magazine is a bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.
  • A Cannibal is person who likes to see other people stewed.
  • An Optimist is a girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
  • A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
  • A penis has a hole in the end so men can be open-minded.
  • Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you’ll have a pretty good idea how she’ll be in bed.
  • Man with five dicks will have pants that fit like a glove.
  • It’s ok to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you.
  • To reuse a condom, turn it inside out and shake the f*ck out of it
  • Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds.
  • Masturbation is a solo played on a private organ.
  • Mother’s Day comes nine months after father’s day.
  • A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
  • It’s all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you’re done.
  • Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society.
  • The best way to save face, is to keep the lower part of it shut.
  • To make a long story short, don’t tell it.
  • Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.
  • A giraffe’s family reunion is called necks of kin.
  • A man is only as faithful as his options.
  • A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  • The best way to keep your word is not to give it.
  • A man’s last will and testament is a dead give away.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
  • Bad singers break into song because they can’t find the key.
  • The wise speak when they have something to say, the fools speak when they have to say something.
  • If you worry about yesterday’s failures, today’s successes will be few.
  • A Rubix cube is like a penis. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.
  • The greatest fault is to be conscious of none.
  • He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.
  • An Egotist a person more interested in himself than in me.
  • When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of hacking at the leaves.
  • The best time to go to the dentist is tooth hurty.
  • Artificial Insemination is procreation without recreation.
  • The useless skin around a penis is called a man.
  • Pubic hair is just organic dental floss.
  • It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
  • A single fact can ruin a good argument.
  • An Arch Criminal is one who robs shoe stores.
  • The best way for university student to turn their life completely around is to get 90 degrees.
  • The worst thing about oral sex is the view
  • An old gravedigger is called an Elderberry
  • A gay gentleman from the Deep South is called a homo-sex-y’all
  • A Greek tampon is called Abzorba the Leak.
  • Even a fish can escape being caught, if it keeps its mouth shut.
  • Well done is better than well said.
  • Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
  • New York manufacturer of gentlemen’s headwear is called Manhatten.
  • Homosexuals don’t play chess because they don’t want to sacrifice a Queen.
  • Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
  • Those who get to big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  • The quietest place in the world is the complaint department at a parachute packing plant.
  • Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
  • A good woman will do 70 chores around the house. Cooking and 69.
  • A vagina is like a very small hotel. One must leave his bag outside.
  • A Platonic Relationship develops after two good friends are tired of screwing each other.
  • A chicken is the result of a sitting hen, while a baby is the result of standing cock.
  • Man with one foot on ‘yesterday’ and one foot on ‘tomorrow’ will end up pissing on ‘today’.
  • Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy
  • When one man rub lotion on another man, it is called Men-Gay.
  • Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.
  • If a Bulldog and a Shitsu were mated, it would be called a bullshit.
  • A Jamaican proctologist is called Pokemon.
  • Alcohol is the cause of some problems and the solution to others.
  • Flatulence is the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  • Man who mixes Rogaine with Viagra will end up hard headed.
  • Prisoners complain behind bars, husbands complain in them.
  • The difference between a dog and a fox is about five drinks.
  • Vitamins are good for what ails you. Viagra is good for what fails you.
  • A clean tie will attract the soup of the day.
  • A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
  • A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
  • If woman meets a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift, she should exchange him.
  • A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.
  • A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
  • A smile is like tight underwear … it makes your cheeks go up.
  • A humorous question on an exam is called Testicle.
  • Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.
  • To get an Irishman to climb on the roof, tell him that the drinks are on the house.
  • Man with a lisp will walk with Lymph.
  • Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes, wants to have marathon session.
  • At a nudist wedding, you don’t have to ask – you can see who the best man is.
  • A Church’s bills are always Due unto others
  • Egghead is what Mrs. Dumpty gives Humpty
  • A verbal outburst during the male orgasm is called Sperm Wail.
  • Prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.
  • For every woman with a curve, there are several men with angles.
  • Never marry a woman with big hands. It will make your dick look smaller
  • The only thing divorce proves is whose mother was right in the first place.
  • A vigorous masturbation session is called Hand to Gland Combat.
  • An airplane girl is a blonde who has a black box
  • Gay dinosaur is called Mega-sor-ass.
  • A flying saucer will appear when a nudist spills his coffee
  • To get rid of unwanted pubic hair, one must spit.
  • A prostitute with a degree in psychology will blow your mind.
  • Always wear Stealth condoms…they’ll never see you coming.
  • A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
  • Amish woman’s secret fantasy is two Mennonite.
  • When a bomb goes off in the middle of a herd of cows, there will be udder destruction.
  • Best way to cure water on the brain is with a tap on the head.
  • A drunk who works at an upholstery shop is a recovering alcoholic
  • Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.
  • A butler with no teeth is called an indentured servant.
  • Man who want to catch a bra, should set a booby trap.
  • Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.
  • If You look in fortune cookie, you are a pathetic fool who seeks advice from bakery products.
  • A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
  • Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
  • Forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
  • You know you are a geek when you look at a movie trailer and think, I have that font.
  • Birds of a feather flock together…then crap on your car.
  • Men are like spray paint. One squeeze and they’re all over you.
  • Couple who cross LSD with birth control pills, get a trip without the kids.
  • To circumcise a whale, send down four skin divers.
  • An award winning dentist will be given a little plaque
  • The opening in the front of your boxer shorts is called the Circumvent.
  • A bachelor is man who never makes the same mistake once.
  • Never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal.
  • Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will Abdicate.
  • Man who is impotent will have Willy-nilly.
  • Woman who absentmindedly answer the door in her nightie is Negligent
  • When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.
  • It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.
  • Gay man in Chinese restaurant will order sum yung guy.
  • The difference between pink and purple, is your grip.
  • The worst thing a wife can get on her twenty-fifth wedding anniversary is morning sickness.
  • Rudolph was grounded after his dad saw his report card because he went down in history.
  • Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a rise.
  • A kiss on the lips is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
  • Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
  • 12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 Lite year.
  • Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter is Eskimo Pi
  • Women and rocks are very much alike. We skip the flat ones.
  • Police may arrest dyke, and charge her with male fraud.
  • Marriage is like taking a bath… after you’ve been in it for a while, it isn’t so hot.
  • Learn to masturbate–come in handy.
  • People are like teabags – you don’t know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.
  • Pedophiles love Halloween because of Free home delivery.
  • One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
  • The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.
  • If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.
  • Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
  • Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
  • Action may not always bring happiness; but there is not happiness without action.
  • Man in shower playing with tool not necessarily plumber.
  • Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
  • Those who say they sleep like a baby haven’t got one.
  • The white powder found on your penis after a blind date is called Handthrax.
  • The best way to get a woman to argue with you, is to say something.
  • It’s not what you wear, it’s how you take it off.
  • Taliban’s national bird is duck
  • Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone, both look out window and see Rubble
  • An Impotent Loser is one who can’t even get his hopes up.
  • Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.
  • Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.
  • Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan.
  • Gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy much alike. Both can smell it, but they can’t eat it.
  • Food that goes rotten while being transported to the store is un-pallet-able.
  • It’s not how deep you fish, it’s how you wiggle your worm.
  • Dry cleaner who is in a hurry for a date, will be pressed for time.
  • When Indian Chief Shortcake died, squaw bury Shortcake
  • The difference between wives and husbands is, Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.
  • Man who checks out woman’s package, doesn’t always work for UPS.
  • Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.
  • Dalmatians can’t play hide and seek, because they are always spotted.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it’s open.
  • The toilet of the Star Ship Enterprise contains ‘the captains log’.
  • The biggest room you have, is the room for improvement.
  • Birds of a feather flock together and then crap on your car.
  • An ‘Airplane Blonde’ is one who has bleached her hair but still has a ‘black box’.
  • One cow spying on another cow is called a steak out.
  • Part-time bandleaders should be called ‘semi-conductors’.
  • The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.
  • Tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.
  • Heat must travel faster than cold because; it is easy to catch a cold.
  • If men had breasts, they would wear off the pockets of their shirts.
  • Deaf people have phone sex by fax.
  • A smart ass is someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is
  • Viagra is like Disneyland… a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
  • It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.
  • Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk
  • Never cut the rope that can be simply untied.
  • If you do not wish to get to the point, never play leap frog with a unicorn.
  • The difference between roast beef and pea soup is that anyone can roast beef.
  • A fool and his money are soon partners.
  • All’s fear in love and war.
  • Sex is like a Ford Explorer. Going too fast may cause a roll-over injury
  • Ulcers aren’t the result of what you eat. You get ulcers from what’s eating you.
  • Adults are just wrinkled kids who owe money.
  • Newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.
  • Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.
  • When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
  • A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
  • Woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get the shaft.
  • The only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back, is a police horse.
  • An optimist is a man who hasn’t had many experiences yet.
  • The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.
  • To ignore the facts, does not change the facts.
  • Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.
  • Girl who go on fishing trip with 6 men, come back with red snapper.
  • A woman will be Queen of the sewers, if she has accessible manhole.
  • If a soda can goes to college, it will take fizz ed.
  • Prisoner who paints in jail, will have brush with the law.
  • Men are like fish… neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
  • Geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have polygon.
  • Woman who dates trash collector, will get dumped.
  • Company who make women’s vibrators is called, Genital Electric.
  • Sperm sample from Nobel Prize winner is called, ‘Stroke of Genius’.
  • If all women’s lib activists were laid end to end, it would be the best thing for them.
  • Independent porno movie producers should form new company called, 21st Century-Fux
  • Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the doc.
  • Gay Australian man will leave his wife and return to Sydney.
  • Man who try doggie style sex, won’t want to face his wife again.
  • Student who study history, will find there is no future in it.
  • Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will feel drained.
  • Epileptic lettuce farmer makes Seizure Salad.
  • If the washroom upstairs is occupied, there is a hypotenuse.
  • The only one whose troubles are behind him, is a school bus driver.
  • Just because men have one, doesn’t mean they have to be one.
  • The supermarket is where you spend 30 minutes hunting for instant coffee.
  • Alarm clock is something that makes people rise and whine.
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
  • Argument between pharmacist and a patient is called a pill owe fight
  • Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn’t had a suit.
  • Many arguments have two sides, but no end.
  • The best defense against rape, is to beat off the attacker.
  • Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
  • Cinderella would be bad at football. Her coach was a pumpkin.
  • When TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.
  • Miners with illuminated helmets, will feel lightheaded.
  • A man can keep his youth, by giving her money, furs and diamonds.
  • The best way to slow a runaway horse, is to bet on it.
  • Getting sick at the airport, could be a terminal illness.
  • Blondes have more fun because they are easier to amuse.
  • Undertakers are nice – they’re the last to let people down.
  • Self-centered trumpet player, likes to toot his own horn.
  • Jokes become a father, when the punch line becomes apparent.
  • A person will never tell a lie, if the truth will do more damage.
  • Best way to make wife’s panties wet every day, is to do the laundry.
  • Balloon factory will go out of business if it can’t keep up with inflation.
  • Man who start crystal ball factory, bound to make a fortune.
  • There is no future in writing a history book
  • The difference between a lawyer and a chicken is, the chicken clucks defiant.
  • Men in a singles bar have one thing in common…they’re all married.
  • Migration is the headache birds get when they fly South for the winter.
  • Lady who goes down first time out, is called Titanic
  • Whoever gossips to you, will gossip about you.
  • I ask wife for light lunch. She serve fireflies.
  • Crossing dinosaur with a pig, will make Jurassic Pork.
  • An Australian Kiss is similar to French Kiss, but given down under.
  • Man who mix poison ivy with four-leaf clover, have rash of good luck.
  • Prostitute with her hand in her panties is self employed.
  • Do not argue with spouse who is packing your parachute.
  • Some fishermen catch their fish by the tale.
  • Whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the pusher.
  • A bachelor is a man who is footloose and fiancée-free.
  • If you run into your ex on the street, just shift into reverse and keep going.
  • Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the juggler
  • If you want to watch the world pass you by, try driving the speed limit.
  • An Impotent Loser is a man who can’t even get his hopes up.
  • A handkerchief should be called Cold storage.
  • Sex is like vacation….it never lasts long enough.
  • Never tell a one-legged hitchhiker to hop in.
  • Women are like convertibles. They’re both more fun with their top down.
  • A bachelor is a man who comes to work from a different direction each morning.
  • Woman who loses wedding ring in kitchen, should remove her drawers
  • The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary
  • Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your children.
  • When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it.
  • A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
  • When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
  • A speech is like a bicycle wheel…the longer the spoke, the greater the tire.
  • It is impossible to sling mud with clean hands.
  • Always yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
  • Don’t let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection.
  • Man who has nothing to say, should say nothing.
  • In prison, best way to separate the men from the boys is with a crowbar
  • A good life is like toilet paper… Long and useful.
  • Basic unit of laryngitis is 1 hoarsepower
  • The perfect gift for man who has everything, is a burglar alarm
  • Christmas trees are like priests…Their balls are just for decoration.
  • Half of a large intestine is equal to one semicolon
  • Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…after a mediocre summer
  • It is better to give than receive- especially advice.
  • Happiness is a way station between too little and too much.
  • Gynecologist and the pizza delivery man are very much alike…
  • both get to smell the goods, but neither one can eat it.
  • Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
  • An optimist is a person who doesn’t understand the enormity of the problem.
  • Van Gogh was a painter because he didn’t have an ear for music.
  • Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.
  • Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
  • Only a bachelor may be a fool and not know it.
  • The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
  • Woman who wear something from Victoria’s Secret, have no more secrets.
  • A 400 pound lady, who likes both men and women, is a bisexual built for two.
  • Husbands are like fires…they go out when left unattended.
  • Character is like a fence…it cannot be strengthened by whitewash.
  • A perfectionist is one who takes great pains, and gives them to everyone else.
  • Woman who gives away free potato chips, will offer you a free Lay.
  • It’s better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
  • Surgeon who make mistake, forced to take a cut in salary
  • A virgin, sleeping on a waterbed is called ‘cherry float’.
  • Blowing into a blonde’s ear is called Data transfer
  • Man with head up ass, can’t see for shit.
  • A transvestite is one who likes to eat, drink and be Mary
  • A gay man with diarrhea is called juicy fruit!
  • Eskimos go to Tupperware parties to find a tight seal.
  • Show off always shown up in showdown.
  • He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth
  • A woman is the only hunter who uses herself for bait.
  • Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy
  • The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.
  • Look for helping hand on end of own arm.
  • Marriages are made in Heaven…So are thunder & lightning.
  • Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent
  • A wise man makes sure that his wife’s birthday cake is short one candle.
  • Jamaican proctologist is called Pok-e-mon
  • An egotist is a person more interested in himself, than in me.
  • Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • If man doesn’t try different sex with one women, he shall try one sex with different women.
  • Real Estate People are a vacant lot.
  • Patience is a naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.
  • Man with hand in pocket is all ways on the ball
  • A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.
  • Man with poor vision can date anyone.
  • Man who put head it fruit drink, get punch in nose.
  • Man who put cream in tart is not necessarily baker.
  • An enemy is sometimes nothing more than a friend who got wise to you.
  • Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
  • He who thinks only of number one, must remember, it is next to nothing
  • Two wrongs may not make a right; but two Wrights made an airplane.
  • Women are like Lawn Mowers…If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
  • Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
  • Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
  • hole happy, whole body happy
  • Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
  • When Einstein stared at his cousin’s boobs, he discovered ‘Theory of Relative Titty’.
  • Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.
  • Husband who sleep on couch last night, have hard time today.
  • Dirty hands make your nose itch.
  • Men are like cement after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
  • Knowledge was never known to enter the head via an open mouth.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • Honor your personality flaws, for without them, you would have no personality at all.
  • Forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit and not nearly as gratifying.
  • Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.
  • Man who keeps nose to the grindstone, have sharp boogers.
  • Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
  • Forgetful cow gives Milk of Amnesia!
  • Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything.
  • A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife that a fur coat will make her look fat.
  • A wok is what you throw at a wabbit.
  • If you girlfriend starts smoking, slow down and use a lubricant.
  • Winnie The Pooh will get angry if you stick your finger in his honey.
  • A man who cries while he masturbates is a real tearjerker.
  • The only way you can you get AIDS from a toilet seat
    is by sitting down before the last guy gets up.
  • Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy and a social loser.
  • Vegetarian is an Indian word meaning, lousy hunter.
  • Every Amish woman’s private fantasy is two Mennonite.
  • Faster, Harder, Deeper is not the motto of the Olympics.
  • If you can’t be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped.
  • A wise man buys his wife fine china, so she won’t trust him to wash it.
  • Religeous woman with hole in pocket, feel holy all day.
  • Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
  • Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap.
  • If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
  • Man who throw a cat out car window, makes kitty litter.
  • A virgin on waterbed is called a cherry float.
  • Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
  • Man with hard problem usually give it to woman.
  • Wise man buy prunesget good run for money
  • Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation.
  • A Rental Car is the only true all-terrain vehicle.
  • A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document and calls it a brief!
  • Woman like dollar bill; hard to pickup, and worth effort.
  • Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.
  • Always wear camouflage condoms: They won’t see you coming.
  • Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup
  • Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan
  • If you open the door to a lesser evil, a greater one will slink in after it.
  • The greatest of all faults, is to be aware of none.
  • No time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.
  • Karaoke is a Chinese word meaning tone deaf.
  • Oral sex makes one’s day, and anal sex makes one’s hole weak.
  • If someone calls you fat, don’t get angry just turn the other chin.
  • By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
  • If you continue to live in the past, your life is history.
  • Man who says he knows how to control a wife is called a bachelor.
  • It’s OK for Schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it’s not against his Principal.
  • The very first doctor of dermatology, had to start from scratch.
  • When you see the handwriting on the wall, you’re in a public restroom.
  • Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
  • New wives are like computersthey go down unexpectedly.
  • Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring.
  • He who sneeze without tissue, take matter in own hands.
  • Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
  • People having gift of gab, not know how to wrap it up.
  • When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
  • First breathe of love is the last breath of wisdom.
  • The definition of a true genius is a nudist with a memory for faces.
  • Just one letter makes all the difference between here and there.
  • Man who kisses girl’s behind, get a crack in the face.
  • Man who learn to masturbate come in handy.
  • Mother Nature’s best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
  • There is one thing that all smart asses have in common Wise Cracks
  • Some people are like blisters. They don’t show up until the work is done.
  • Tact is the unsaid part of what you’re thinking.
  • Dog may be man’s best friend, and pussy not far behind.
  • Man in bathroom with tool in hand is not necessarily a plumber.
  • Man who fall into an upholstery machine, eventually be fully recovered.
  • Women are like rocksWe skip the flat ones.
  • People who say they never fart, are full of hot air.
  • Happiness is not a destination, but a manner of traveling.
  • Putting teenager in prison, won’t stop his face from breaking out.
  • Love everybody, not every body.
  • If wise man marry, he become otherwise.
  • The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.
  • Don’t confuse an open mind with one that’s vacant.
  • The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
  • If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
  • Live each day as if it were your last, because someday it will be.
  • It’s ok to look back at the past. Just don’t stare at it.
  • If you don’t want anyone to get your goat, don’t let them know where you have it tied.
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
  • At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
  • Beauty is only a light switch away.
  • He who sleep on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man.
  • Man who has money to burn, makes an ash of himself.
  • Man have more hair on chest than woman, and on the whole woman have more.
  • Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
  • Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
  • Man who sucks nipples, make clean breast of things.
  • Girl who slides down bannister, makes monkey shine.
  • A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.
  • He who refuses to listen, is lying.
  • Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her.
  • He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.
  • It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
  • Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger than them.
  • Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
  • Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
  • If you want a committed man, look in mental hospital!
  • He who eats crackers in bed, get crummy sleep.
  • Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of molehills.
  • Man who pulls on woman’s bra-strap, may get bust in mouth.
  • To make egg roll, push it.
  • Chemist who fall in acid, get absorbed in work.
  • Girl’s best asset is her `lie’ ability.
  • He who eats ice cream in car, is a Sundae Driver
  • He who stick head in open window, gets pane in neck.
  • Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
  • Virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick.
  • Army like blow job, closer to discharge you get, the better it feels
  • Woman who dance while wearing a jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
  • Man who smoke pot, choke on handle.
  • Sailor who gets discharged from navy, leave buddies behind.
  • Man who make love to cash register, come into money.
  • Man who fondle girl having period, get caught red handed.
  • Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have crappy time.
  • He who sniffs coke, gets ice cube up nose.
  • Woman who springs on inner spring this spring gets offspring next spring.
  • Sex on beach is like American beer, very near water.
  • Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.
  • Man who masturbate only screwing himself.
  • Man who do business in whore house , get jerked around
  • House without toilet is uncanny.
  • ‘Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on.
  • Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind in his orders.
  • He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.
  • ‘Tis better to have loved a short woman than to have never loved a tall
  • Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot, very unsanitary.
  • Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
  • Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn
  • Woman who marry detective must kiss dick.
  • Woman who is wallflower at party, dandelion in bed.
  • Man who sink into woman’s arms soon have arms in woman’s sink
  • Men and spray paint alike One squeeze and they’re all over you.
  • The best way to save face to keep the lower part shut
  • Men are like Lava lamps. Fun to look at, and not all that bright.
  • It is good for girl to meet boy in park, and better for boy to park meat in girl.
  • Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders
  • Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face
  • Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, gets titbit.
  • Man who lay woman on ground, get Peace on earth.
  • Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
  • He who crosses the ocean twice without bathing is a dirty double crosser.
  • Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants !
  • Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk!
  • Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy
  • Man who eats photograph of his Dad is soon spitting image of his father.
  • Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.
  • Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
  • Girl who has sex in Egyptian tomb may soon become mummy
  • Woman is like jazz music—3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.
  • He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
  • Cows without legs are ground beef
  • He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
  • Woman who is in love with priest will chase him through church and grab him by the organ
  • Economy will go up and down when country is run by yo-yo’s
  • Basketball player who marry midget lady will be nuts over her
  • Chinese couple who have white baby, name it Sum Ting Wong
  • Lady who slide down bannister,get slivers by cracky!
  • Man who date flat chested woman will be feeling low
  • He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
  • Man who let woman on top, will screw up
  • Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling
  • Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
  • Sexy typist will bang on keyboard!
  • Sumo Wrestling is survival of the fattest.
  • ’tis better to sleep with old hen, than pullet
  • Many men bite , but Fu Man Chu
  • Woman who fly airplane upside down have crack up
  • Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
  • He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
  • Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
  • Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
  • Girl who sits on Judge’s lap gets honorable discharge.
  • Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
  • Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
  • It takes many nails to build crib, and only one screw to fill it.
  • Man who live in glass house should change in basement.
  • Man who run behind car get exhausted
  • Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!
  • Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
  • Man who sleep in cat house by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
  • If you park, don’t drink, accidents cause people.
  • Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.
  • Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!
  • Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
  • Boy who go to bed with sexual problem
    wake up with solution in hand

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