Actual Bathroom Graffiti

  • A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
    (Women’s restroom – Dick’s Last Resort: Dallas, Texas)
  • At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
    (Bentley’s House of Coffee and Tea: Tucson, Arizona)
  • Beauty is only a light switch away.
    (Perkins Library – Duke University: Durham, North Carolina.)
  • Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.
    (Men’s restroom – Murphy’s: Champaign, IL.)
  • Express Lane: Five beers or less.
    (Sign over one of the urinals – Ed Debevic’s: Phoenix, AZ.)
  • Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
    (The Bayou: Baton Rouge, Louisiana.)
  • God is dead.           – Nietzsche
    Nietzsche is dead.  – God
    (The Tombs Restaurant: Washington, D.C.)
  • God made pot.  Man made beer.  Who do you trust?
    (The Irish Times: Washington, D.C.)
  • If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he’d say we were stopping for ice.
    (Smoky Joe’s – Philadelphia, PA.)
  • If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
    (Armand’s Pizza – Washington, D.C.)
  • If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?  CONGRESS!
    (Men’s restroom – House of Representatives: Washington, D.C.)
  • If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
    (Revolution Books: New York, New York)
  • If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can’t take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
    (Men’s restroom – Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, WA.)
  • It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
    (Written in the dust on the back of a bus: Wickenburg, Arizona)
  • I’ve decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
    (Houghton Library – Harvard University: Cambridge, Massachusetts.)
  • JESUS SAVES!   But wouldn’t it be better if he had invested?
    (Men’s restroom – American University: Washington, D.C.)
  • Make love, not war.   Hell, do both, get married!
    (Women’s restroom – The Filling Station: Bozeman, Montana)
  • No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
    (Men’s Room – Linda’s Bar and Grill: Chapel Hill, North Carolina.)
  • No wonder you always go home alone.
    (Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom – Ed Debevic’s: Beverly Hills, CA.)
  • Remember, it’s not "How high are you?" – it’s "Hi, how are you?"
    (Rest stop off Route 81, WV.)
  • The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
    (Women’s restroom – Murphy’s: Champaign, IL.)
  • To do is to be.       – Descartes
    To be is to do.       – Voltaire
    Do be do be do.     – Frank Sinatra
    (Men’s restroom – Greasewood Flats: Scottsdale, Arizona)
  • What are you looking on the wall for?  The joke’s in your hands.
    (Men’s rest room – Lynagh’s: Lexington, KY.)
  • You’re too good for him.
    (Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom – Ed Debevic’s: Beverly Hills, CA.)

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