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Signs you’re getting old

  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
  • No one expects you to run–anywhere.
  • People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • Things you buy now won’t wear out.
  • You can eat supper at 4 pm.
  • You can live without sex but not your glasses.
  • You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
  • You sing along with elevator music.
  • Your eyes won’t get much worse.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

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